I think I see the picnic!

[2chiquitos]

It's interesting you put it that way, "they don't want us but.." I see what you're saying.

I'm going with the kids out of town tomorrow and will be back Sun. I continue to feel hurt tonite. I still see it as my way of accepting it's over.

I think I'm finally grieving the loss of the possibility of a future R. Although it brings me down, I think it's a part of the process of letting go (for me that is).

H wants me to call him throughout the day tomorrow to see how it's going. I will but not with the same interest as I did before. Before I did it as my 180 and maintaining constant contact with him to draw him back. Now it's so he can talk to the kids and know we are fine. This way he can go about his day without worrying about us.

Please pray for me. That I can continue to let go and let God take care of me, my kids, H and our sitch.

[bustingout]

have a great weekend vero. we are here for you and thinking about you

(((((( ))))))

[needgrace]

hi vero, you are in my thoughts and prayers today. ((((((((((( )))))))))))

[2chiquitos]

Today was good. What would've taken us 3hrs took 5hrs to get to. Once we got to our destination I was able to enjoy myself. I text H pix of the kids and he later text back thx a bunch!

I really hate traveling without him. We are such a good team when it comes to traveling with the kids.

I'm trying to internalize Admiral Stockdale.

[BklynMom]

So sad that they have chosen to miss out on so much of their childrens lives. I don't see how they won't regret it.

Enjoy the end of summer with your beautiful kids. They will only be this age once.

[bustingout]

i agree BM....something i just can't wrap my head around...

have a great time vero ENJOY!

[needgrace]

hi vero, glad you made it safe and sound... remember that stockdale did not expect things to change by a certain date or time... he was able to wait with no expectations, so so hard to do. i am trying it too. ((((((( )))))))))

[2chiquitos]

We went out to lunch as a family for Hs bday. During lunch he surprises me, "you look like you're not having a good time. if you didn't want to come you didn't have to." I was shocked. It made me change my behavior instantly.

We spoke after and I told him, "I pull back because I really don't know how close I can get to you. I'm sorry if you thought I didn't care but I did want to be there."

He said he noticed it was more him but couldn't help but relate my lack of interest with his dad's attitude when they go out to eat.

H also surprised me by saying, "I don't know how long we'll be in this sitch but when you guys were gone I had the urge to want to go visit you guys at home and I knew I couldn't. It was hard to think about that."

I said, "I don't know if it's ok for me to say this but we missed you." He said, "I feel the same way when S4 and I are together."

I didn't say anything and he quickly changed the subject.

Before lunch I found an extra key in his car that looked like a girls key. (pink disney keychain and music band keychain, very unlike H). I assume he now has a key to her place. He said it was a key to his place. It hurt. a lot.

God help me to let go and make the right choices.

[BklynMom]

You realize that your h is a fool.

You realize that so much of this is about your h sexual needs that you might have neglected while you were having his two kids.

You realize this is about your h not being able to express his needs.

All you can do it keep the focus on yourself and being the most amazing mom.

Do your kids want a real housewife or a dignified woman?

Hang in there you are doing this for them

[2chiquitos]

Thank you Brook! You're absolutely right! Keep the focus on me!

H n I had a "talk." It started off heated but turned into a talk.

I did the unthinkable. I snooped through his cell and saw a call to OW. But I reacted different this time. I didn't fall apart.

Me-"you don't have to worry. I won't take the kids from you. You can continue to come over and see the kids but I am letting you go."

H reacted in a very different way this time. He looked worried. He said he used to be afraid that I would take the kids but he knows I won't react that way anymore. He said, "You're different now."

He said something that I can't get out of my head. "Please be patient. Give me some time." He said he no longer has the same relationship with her, blah blah blah. Then he said something else that I thought was interesting. "Haven't you noticed that our talks are no longer just about the kids! I look forward to sharing things with you and talking to you about so many other things."

He has noticed that we have grown closer and is working on himself but it is taking him time.

For some reason I feel free of my sitch. The fact that he recognizes my changes and is worried about loosing me makes me feel very confident. I used to think I'm not worth coming back to. Instead, I think, I'm too good to come back to!