You do understand that if this is MLC that it could last a number of years. You say you've read alot of the literature. Have you actually practiced and understood them?
Yes, yes and yes.
Last weekend I asked for what I wanted. (step #3, DR) Told her I would like it if we had more physical contact. Nothing big, I said, just hold hands, scratch backs, brush hair, maybe a hug here or there. She said "I can't do that, and you know why". I asked her why, and she was reluctant to answer, but I (foolishly?) pressed her and she eventually dropped the whole "I'm not attracted to you" bomb again. As the discussion progressed, she started to fire up and brought up all kinds of reasons she was done with us. Knowing much of this was rationalization and rewriting of history, I was getting quite upset and decided it was best to no longer hold back. (brave, I know)
"At least half of this situation is your fault too. If you truly were not in love with me all this time why didn't you ever say anything? Why did you just keep it inside you for years and act like everything was ok?" Her eyes lit up as I let loose. She started to meekly offer an excuse, but I didn't give her a chance to continue until I was done.
The rest of that night was uneventful, but the days following actually seemed like we made some progress. No, she didn't agree to more contact, (I didn't expect she would, but I decided I had to tell her what I needed anyway) but I am feeling more respected. She always let me know if she was staying late at work or going out with her girlfriends, but this week she asked me. Also left the house with her ring on, which was something I mentioned I liked a few days earlier.
Eye contact while talking has noticeably picked up too, and when I was lying on the bed naked after my shower today, she came and talked to me without as much apprehension or eye aversion as she had previously. Let the monitoring continue, but I think our lack of arguments over the years may have been a problem.
Last night I joined a Zumba class that was offered at my work. I was the only guy to show up, and when I did all the ladies cheered! I also discussed the possibility of running a martial arts class on site with the HR person in charge of these events.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
