Dropping the rope, hope I'm doing the right thing.

[Accuray]

SS,

That is so painful but you should be proud of yourself for making the difficult decision to stop the suffering and pursue happiness. I know how hard that is and your actions took tremendous courage. Its always easier to say you'll just give it one more day, but before you know it you have passed another year.

You are a great person and you don't deserve this torturous limbo. My MC recently explained to me that my W has the equivalent of a 20 foot emotional barrier where I am concerned. If I get inside it she pushes me away by being aloof and dismissive. If I keep encroaching she'll get sarcastic and hurtful. If I get too far beyond the barrier she will reach out and pull me back in. MC explained that I cannot establish equilibrium closer in, and that 20' is an uncomfortable distance for me -- I'd either like to be at 2 feet or 50' (or more).

It sounds like you're in a similar dynamic where when you try to get the intimacy you want H distances and when you retreat beyond his barrier he tries to pull you back.

In my experience trying to live on that fringe is unbearably painful so you are better off putting lots of distance between you. I think you're doing exactly the right thing -- enforce your own boundary line and make it a big one.

Accuray