Separation reality...drawing near.

[TSquared2]

I guess I would take her being interested in your opinion of the menu as a good thing...but mlc mode has warped my perceptions of regular non-mlc interactions...lol... I will try to write more tomorrow,been thinking about your sitch. W and I just had 3 hour talk and I am wiped....



T^2

[TSquared2]

Hey ya PW,

So I said "that must have felt nice".

I laugh at myself sometimes. Brain freeze.

LOL, but I think a good answer...

So how did the dinner go?

T^2

[pulpwood]

Dinner was fine and dandy.

Her apartment was spotless. Not all messy like it was on the 4th.

She seems more like herself. A little giggly, a little sassy. Just comfortable. No sign of the depressed, long face that I have been given the last few months.

I was a little uneasy being there. But I settled down.

S didn't want to hash out all the aspects of his first day at K. He answered a few questions with short answers until he got bored with it and wanted to play Guess Who. He shared enough to put my mind at ease that he is having fun and proud of himself for being in big kids school.

During a phone call today W said "Maybe you and S would like to come over Monday afternoon and play at the pool?".

So W is initiating more contact. This week anyway. Everything is light, friendly, and "normal".

I still wonder if she is "done", wants a D, has OM, is sexually active...?

But those thoughts DRAIN me. So I force them out.

My mind flitters but my actions are consistent and I am proud of that.

[pulpwood]

Another note.

We have had no R talks in 4 months. No talk about what the future will be. None.

I see on other threads a WAS with hateful outbursts here and there. I have none of that.

Could this be interpreted as good. Because we are getting along.

Or bad. Because she doesn't care enough about me to tell me how much she hates me?

[pulpwood]

W dropped off S this morning. She lingered for a little while. Before leaving she asked what we are going to do today. I said we had a little shopping to do, then play at the park, then grilling steak later.

She raised her eybrows in interest so I asked her if she wanted to come back later and eat with us. She eagerly accepted. No hesitation.

She also told me she is making chicken dressing tomorrow. (My favorite dish) It messes up the whole kitchen and takes a couple hours to prepare. Anyway, it is nice that she is going to the trouble. I will enjoy.

[pulpwood]

I may have messed up. Maybe not. We'll see.

Supper went fine. We shared a glass of wine before supper and one during. Afterwards she helped me clean up a little. We were talking most of the evening. Well she was talking. I was actively listening.

You know, not thinking you have to come up with a solution to the problems a woman talks about is quite refreshing. I can actually enjoy it now where listening to her before was exhausting. Because I wasn't listening. I was thinking of how to fix things for her.

We went outside to have a smoke. We talked some more. She finished her smoke and as she walked very close to me on her way back in I grabed her up, and pulled her in close. She held me back and gazed into my eyes... I think I could have given her a passionate kiss. But instead I just kept looking into her eyes. She eventually broke the stare and put her head on my chest. Still holding me as I held her.

S came out and said he had the Trouble game ready, breaking the tension. We went back in holding hands till we got to the door. We played Trouble and then she got ready to go. She asked if I wanted to share another smoke before she left. I said sure.

We got to talking again and she said she thought it was good that we got along. That she tought S was doing well with the transition. I said that I appreciated her coming over. She said that she has figured out that she would rather be nice and things be good between us...but she was not ready to get back together. I said that I wasn't reading that into it at all.

We shared another hug. I went in for the kiss this time (don't know why I did that after her previous statement) and she turned her head. She didn't push me away, in fact she still held me close, but she didn't go for the kiss.

So...positive I think.

[pulpwood]

Not that it means anything. But her words "I'm not ready to get back together" may give a glimmer of hope. She did not say "I don't want to".

But that is mind reading and nit picking.

[pulpwood]

Had supper at her place tonite. It was an excellent meal.

She was a little more distant. I asked her if everything was ok. She said "Everything is ok. Its just that you crossed the line last nite. I am adjusting well. S is adjusting well. S is alot like me and we adapt well to change. I like the current situation. I see S often enough. I have time to deal with work. I have my own space. I like my life."

I told her "I am happy for you. I want you to be happy."

So she re-established her boundaries. I got too close and she backed away.

I have tried to read many things into her statements. Mainly implications that she thinks I am not adjusting well. But really, who knows. That is probably because of my inner self. The realization that I think I should be doing better with this. But what does doing better look like for me? I will think on this.

It has been 7 months since the bomb. No D papers. No talk of it. I still have the gift of time.

I will continue to stand. Continue to learn detachment. Continue to DB. Continue to better myself.

I feel a mixture of high and low. Neither are strong emotions though.

[reachingHigher]

I think it is really positive she was able to tell you how she felt, IMO.

And it sounds like your commitments are solid. Sound like you didn't over react. Good job!

[TSquared2]

Hi PW,

From the things you posted, I was thinking that your W was trying to SLOWLY reconnect....to dip her toes in the waters...

Ya backslid, bro (and we all do/did it), and now you have to recover, and re-trace some steps. Maybe go back over some of TG's posts and give some thought and test some new things out within you.

You hunt and fish, you know how to wait, be still, make no sudden moves. It's not that different here once you detach/remove the emotional enmeshment.

If I remember your original sitch correctly, you weren't a very happy camper after moving to your current location for W's job, and you probably leaned on her a lot for your needs (social, human, etc)(oh, and I did that too, leaned on W for all my non-work needs). Maybe that was too much for W with new job, being a Mom, etc. I read someone's sitch on here where she just wanted a break from the marriage to re-gather herself, find herself.

So here W is in new town, new job, PW leaning on her, creating added pressure and she needs to get a break and, figure out what she wants, who she is...she is away from hometown and family, so has a chance to explore herself without too much oversight (you said she was the "good girl" sorta person? And now she drinks wine and black fingernails? Did she live much on her own before you guys got married? Or did she pretty much go from parents to married? See where I am going? And, of course, I could be totally wrong...you know best.

The good thing is, as rH wrote, she could tell you how she feels, and also that she still had you over for dinner...that is good, all is not lost most likely.

She did tell you what she is looking for...a man who is self-reliant, confident and adaptable. You are getting there, but need to dig deeper, give it more time to solidify within you.

If the women over on my thread are correct and things like hugging with head on chest meant that she was beginning to trust you...so what you had been doing was working...but like a feral cat, your last sudden move skittered her away a bit and you have to re-build that trust again. But what you did once, you know how to do again, right?

What kind of man/person are you going to be?

You can do this.

(okay, lecture over....)

T^2