Yesterday I spent most of my day focusing on my work. I did not call my H for lunch nor did I hear from him for lunch as I usually would. I took that as a sigh of relief bc it gave me time to really focus on work and not my sitch. H did call around 3pm to ask why I haven't called him. I told him I knew he was busy working on a project and I was busy in and out of meetings. He went on to tell me about his day and how excited he was to win bids on a couple more projects. I told him how excited I was for him. He tried to talk for a long time but after 20 minutes or so I told him I had to finish up some things at work. He talked about another 5 minutes asking about what we would do for dinner, maybe go out he suggested since we were both extended from work, then we agreed we would talk later.
After work my BF came over for a while. After she left, it was getting late and I was hungry so I called H to see if we were still going out for dinner. H phone went to vm so I did not leave a msg. H called back about 5 minutes later and I purposely did not answer my phone. I decided I would refresh, get dressed then go out for dinner alone. I placed the phone on the charger and went into the bathroom. I could hear it buzzing but I did not answer. A few minutes later H came into the house. I stayed in the bathroom and continued what I was doing. He came in and said he could not answer his phone when I called because it had dropped on the floor of the truck while he was driving and he could not reach it. He pulled over and picked up the phone and tried to call me back several times (12 missed calls). I told him I was in the bathroom and did not hear the phone.(This is true, I turned the ringer off)He said he felt like I was ignoring him.(No, I am just trying not to get my hopes up and to GAL) I told him, I was simply in the bathroom when he called. He asked if we were still going to dinner and we did. Afterward, H & D stayed up watching tv in the den. I went to bed because I had an early start this morning.
This morning I noticed H fell asleep on the couch and the phone he uses to communicate with the OW was lying on the arm rest of the couch. I did not bother H nor his phone. (No Snooping..So proud of myself)I begin to get ready for work...surprisingly H came into the bathroom and asked why I was going to work so early. Just told him I have tons of work to do before the weekend. He begin to prepare for work as well. Small talk about hiring a new labor to assist with his projects then he asked if we could do lunch today. I told him that would be nice and I'd let him know. He then asked if we could go to dinner as well. I told him that would be nice as well. He stood in front of me with his lips pooched for a kiss and I obliged and told him to have a good day (No I love you as I normally would). I tried to leave as quickly as I could but he was right behind me and came to my car window. He wanted another kiss and said that he loved me. Since he said it first, I told him that I loved him as well and to have a good day. He preceded with small talk. Although I was pressed for time, I listened and gave him the eye contact then hurried off to work.
My Mood: Trying to emotionally position myself so I can heal. I am soooo hurt.This sitch has consumed so much of my thoughts. I wake up thinking about. I lie down thinking about it and every opportune moment in between. When I try to detach and GAL, he's there questioning who I'm calling, texting and what I'm thinking...I want to say as I've said so many times to END the EA so we can begin to heal our M but I'm giving him his space to make that decision.I am cautiously optimistic yet I'm also beginning to feel so much better about ME.
