So here's my story --

[Denver_2010]

Just read through your thread afa. A couple of things:

Are you physically separated as of now?

If so, who left the marital home?

If not, what is the plan?

Has your W brought up a possible D?

I would proceed assuming that there is a PA with OM. If true, how would that affect what you do now and going forward?

I see some signs of controlling behavior on your part in your interactions with your W... and in your words about her here on this board.

Based upon your description of how you were towards your W in the M, I believe that you are WAY to available and accomadating to your W right now.

You've read DR. What are your 180's? What are you doing to work on you?

What is your strategy here? You seem adrift with no real plan of action afa. Things kind of just seem to be happening, with you being drug along for the ride.

In response to your last post... I know that this has you down. It is perfectly normal, IMO, to feel unsure of yourself, depressed, and taken advantage of... like a 'zero'.

This is why you need

1) a plan of action,

2) to stop being so available to your W. She is continuing to receive everything from you that she did when she was actively engaged and committed to the M. Why shouldn't she just continue to have an A and trample on your M???

3) Learn about detachment I have not read that term once in all of the posts on your thread. That is a bad sign that you have not thought about it much, let alone tried to do it.

4) GAL - Yes, it sounds a bit forced as Bond pointed out, but you need to learn to do it. And learn to actually enjoy it. At least to some small degree.

5) Figure out how to have a positive mental attitude (PMA). You sound very down, depressed, dull in your posts afa. I don't mean to beat you down more here. But the reality is that no one wants to be with a downer... someone who is no fun to be around. I'm afraid that if you are like that here, that this is the afa that your W is seeing as well.

Be a person who is fun, exciting, mysterious, funny, and that everyone wants to be around.

Do you have any idea what is appealing about OM to W? What needs is he meeting that you were failing to meet in the M? And don't tell me that there were none that you were failing to meet.

Denver