Emotional affair

[ces67]

The strange thing about all this is that he barely talks to me in person but in tm he jokes a bit.

This may be signally something about where he feel safe. I'm guessing here but maybe there is safety for him to joke via the tm and for whatever reason, he feel less safe when facing you. I could be wrong, but can you think of anything that would make him feel less safe around you in person? If you can, then you've got an opportunity to try and change that so he can feel safe again. Its a slow process but it can happen.

I cried because I can't even kiss my own husband and tell him that I love him.

Can you not kiss him because of your own feelings of not wanting to, or do you feel like it is not allowed? If its your feelings, what are they, pain, hurt, rejection, anger? Dig into what you're feeling so you can address it. Its hard, but helpful.

All I want from his relationship is to stay married, have my best friend back, communicate, laugh, cry together...

Boy, do I get this... my W has been in the house throughout our sitch (minus a couple very long summer trips) but we've still not really enjoyed our time togeher, but "functioned" as needed. Its so much less than what a M should be. Its on the upswing though and we have made choices to focus on it, spend time together and get professional help from a counselor.

You can rebuild. It is possible to create an even better friendship than what you had. Most studies will say that marriages who make it through these tough times are even stronger than before. But its going to probably be one of the toughest things you've ever done in your life.

Hang in there.