Divorced #3

[Mrs D]

Thank you Bond.

So. I did make contact tonight with X but that is only because our son was having another breakdown. It started with of all things, a gumball. He wanted one. I didnt have a quarter. Instant meltdown. Stood in the parking lot, arms crossed, forehead squished. Would not get into my car for nothing. It took me getting out of the car and threatening to spank his behind. This is very unlike our son. He gets into fhe car and starts saying how much he hates me and that hes going to run away, etc. I try to explain to him that I didnt have a quarter. Didnt have any cash on me to get a quarter. He threw a fit. So I called X. Told him what was going on and told him that I think I am going to put him into therapy as well. (This isnt the first outburst like this) Of course he says don't you think you are going alittle overboard with the therapy talk? Its a gumball. I explain to him that this isnt the first time he breaksdown over nothing. So X tries to speak to our son, and C really just isnt having anything to do with Xs conversation. I get back in the phone and said ti X that C isnt going to talk to him. He wouldnt even hold the phone to his ear. I did.

Anyway to make the story shorter, I tell him thanks for trying, and tried to end the call. Hes like okkkkk... told him to have a good weekend. (Still trying to end the call) and he goes into how he may be laid off tomorrow after they finish this job. And man I miss talking to him like this, so I let him continue. Finally the conversation ends. He tells me to have a good time at the concert. I said of a few people that were going to meet "us". Hes like ah - there are other people that like country. I fed into the lead and said that I actually like it as well. Hes like uh huh.. I could tell he was smiling just how he said it.

So anyway. C and I get back to our place, and I asked him if he wanted to talk to someone like I do. He shook his head no, so I asked if he would feel better talking to myself or his dad more. His response was that he would talk to me about his feelings, but not his Dad. He said that he misses me and his dad together. That when he goes to dads, he misses me. When hes here, he misses dad. I told him that was understandable and tried to reassure him we both loved him very much. Then he said that he doesnt want his dad to date any body but me because he doesnt want them to get married. I didnt know how to respond to that. I just gave him a hug and told him that I understood. Ugh my heart broke instantly for our son.

So I ended up sending X a text saying I waz going ti get C in counceling and that he misses us together, and that hes scared his dad is going to get married to someone else. No response. None. And I know I wouldnt get one cause he is home now from work and shes there. Ugh!!!!

I don't talk about the gf when I am around my son. I know that will only confuse him more, but I wonder if hes overheard a phone conversation I had with my sister. We were both outside. He was playing with friends, so I didnt think he was paying attention. Now I feel that shame because of C may or may not have heard..... Thursday night didnt end so well.