I always think it's a good idea to avoid Ls as much as possible. If she will agree to a meeting with a neutral third party, then that's fine. As you suggest, a judge will order that anyway if you go the L route. If she won't meet with a neutral 3rd party, then I would not meet with her. I would also not talk on the phone with her at this point. I do not know enough about your X, but I do know that you generally need 2 people that are willing to work things out and compromise, and if one of the people is just intent on having their way, mediation is a waste of time and money.
I think you may want to meet with an L or 2 at this point, many of them will meet with you for a free consultation so that you are prepared if she does go the L route. From my experience with family court, the judge will not find it in the best interest of the children to change the situation you already have in place, and it sounds like your X is coming from an emotional, controlling viewpoint that I don't think most Judges would consider persuasive.
