The party went well. STBX was driven to the airport at 5 am by S22. At 9 am I was sitting down trying to wade thru paperwork and got a call from the realtor, they want to show the house at 2. I just finished cleaning and am pooped. They left the bounce house because it got rained on and isn't dry. So I'm headed over to pick up my granddaughters and their bathing suits for some more bounce house fun.
Maybe I'll come home to am offer? (One can dream!)
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Who knew that bouncing in a bounce house could hurt so many muscles? I think it may be the next fitness fad! My calves and sides are killing me!!!
I've had a moment of clarity. YEP, ANOTHER ONE!
I am spinning again because I keep taking the focus off me. I need to make myself the number one priority in my own life. What OW and STBX are doing is not my problem. Hard as it is, I need to do what he is telling me and just not concern myself with him. We had a conversation Tuesday night.
He said we have no obligation to keep each other informed of our wear-abouts. And then in the next breath he complained that I hadn't told him where I was two times in the past week. That hurt me to the core, he has made it plain he doesn't want to talk to me. He sits and doesn't listen when I do talk.
Where was I Monday night? The same place I've been the 4th Monday of the month for the past 4 years. My quilt guild meeting. I didn't leave him a note, like I have been doing, because I had said something to him 3 different times Sunday something about the guild meeting. But since he has me on disreguard he forgot. (I said I had made the block of the month, I told him about finding a piece of indigo left behind by a student in one of the vats when I was cleaning them out and I would take it to the meeting and I said I had to take some shirts into a gal who wanted to buy some indigo shirts from me, as I was folding them out of the dryer.)
So he says one thing, but wants another. And I did go out with my friend the other night, and somehow sent a text to the work number instead of his mobile. But why does it upset him when I'm not home waiting on him like a puppy dog?
I find it difficult to just let go, but let go I must. I am a page he has turned I'm no longer his concern. And visa-versa. The part where he wants me to keep cooking and shopping for him is confusing. But not if I realize he is just a cake-eater. And as I have been told by OW, my sister, my best friend and many people on this site: People treat you the way you let them.
So I need to quit letting people in my life treat me like their servant.
Rant over!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Those bouncy houses are great! I used to have one for the kids that my aunt sent. She got it off QVC. Then the fan broke, and no more bouncy house.
Just wanted to let you know that when you're in the same house with a cake eater its pretty difficult to remain completely focused on yourself. I mean when it's in your face all the time....
Hey LaBug, that line is from an old Pam Tillis song called: "Don't Tell Me What to Do". KInda of a funny one, my sister keeps singing it to me.... She says when it doesn't make me cry I'll be moved on. Still waiting for that, but getting closer every day.
We tried and we tried but it's over Guess I didn't fit the imagine in your mind Now you tell me to find another lover But baby aren't you gettin' outta line
Don't tell me what to do You've already said we are through I'm a page that you have turned I'm no longer your concern So don't tell me what to do I'll love you forever if I want to
You're no longer in charge on my thinkin' You're already in love with someone else So if I'm into all night honky tonkin' Well I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself
So don't tell me what to do You've already said we are through I'm a page that you have turned I'm no longer your concern So don't tell me what to do I'll love you forever if I want to
So don't tell me what to do You've already said we are through I'm a page that you have turned I'm no longer your concern So don't tell me what to do I'll love you forever if I want to
On a lighter note Nice Guy/Conspiracy Theorist went to the beach with me yesterday. He is controlling and kind of too worried about silly stuff. And a terrible backseat driver.... And yet we had a fun time. We went to 4 different beaches. Sort of a walking tour of all the beaches at the marine corps base. I showed him where my son got married, my favorite beach for shells, a beach you climb down a ditch to get to, and a remote beach where my son proposed to my DIL.
At the first beach the first thing NG/CT found was a piece of coral shaped like a heart. He said "Wow! This looks like a heart!" and he put it in his pocket and I figured he was going to save it for his little 6 year old daughter. He gave me all the shells he found....
Then we went to dinner he pulled it out of his pocket and gave it to me. So sweet. And then I told him a story about another time in my life when I felt so broken, and had been walking thru the desert in Albuquerque, and actually was thinking I was leaving my heart in ABQ. We were moving and had lost our husky dog and I was so sad to be moving without him. He used to go on my daily 5 mile desert walks with me.
Anyway, as I was walking and sad and thought I was leaving my heart behind I got a sign from the universe, a heart shaped rock at my feet. I still have it. It made me realize I was being silly.
Who ever found my dog and decided to keep him was a mean person. But I'm sure they loved him and took care of him, too. They probably thought we were bad dog parents, because he ran away. Huskys are escape artists and I'm sure they figured that out.
Anyway the heart shaped coral is another sign, I can get past this rough patch. I still have my heart.
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
i hear same junk about what i'm doing. my h calls and chit chats & asks allll about my life- yet he does not share anything about his. i'm supposed to just gush out all the details & entertain him with "my story" and he gets to be a unsharing lump. what is that??? if it were even a little important to him- he'd be here with me. not there in "other" life. i hate this two separate lives thing. when he retired from office- he became separate "office man" at home- been wierd ever since. retirement [censored]...
i always have shared it all - i thought he cared tho. now- why jump in to "share" with someone that doesn't care if he's risking it all for ow? i'm askin ya.
are we supposed to try and chat or just withdraw? i get the rules mixed up- when he says to call his cell if i "need him" (he's "out of town" ) what the heck can he do for me if i need him from 1000 miles away? i'm asking you- is he crazy. if he cared - he'd be here w/ me- why even say it? if i got hit by a car walking at nite and have a few last words -_ he's sure not going to be able to get here and listen. he's made his choice about "being there" if i need him- he is not.
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He said we have no obligation to keep each other informed of our wear-abouts. And then in the next breath he complained that I hadn't told him where I was two times in the past week. That hurt me to the core, he has made it plain he doesn't want to talk to me. He sits and doesn't listen when I do talk.
oh - my - God ! soo ditto for me...
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I am spinning again because I keep taking the focus off me.
how do you achieve it? i've been too other-oriented forever- hard to hone in on "just me" and keep interested - i feel allover the place.
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I find it difficult to just let go, but let go I must. I am a page he has turned I'm no longer his concern. And visa-versa. The part where he wants me to keep cooking and shopping for him is confusing. But not if I realize he is just a cake-eater. And as I have been told by OW, my sister, my best friend and many people on this site: People treat you the way you let them
the cake eating thing- how do you know or how did you switch to feeling /thinking this rather than mlc? i'm curious if i'm deluding myself - i hear the same thing. i wonder where one stops and other begins -
i alwasy feel surprised and "blammed" when someone treats me really badly- and just don't have some immediate response or don't think in advance to be watching for it. what the heck is up with "not allowing" people to treat you badly. how do we control others? all i think i have is power to take myself away from them - i can't spank anyone... you have a way? idea?
I wrote some on your thread, here is some more. First let me tell you "I Love You." Because you needed that.
I don't tell my STBX anything any more. And when I quit initiating conversation it was tough. I have always felt the need to fill the silence. Now I don't tell him much. I was chatty the other day when i told him stuff about the quilt guild meeting, and he didn't hear a word I said, evidently.
And sometimes he talks to me and acts confused because he is out of the loop on what is happening in out world of kids and grandkids. Well which way does he want it?
Try not talking to him at all. Answer his questions with "Yes" or "No". Be busy with some handwork. I bet he reacts just the way my guy did, he will try to initiate conversations. Don't be rude, but don't elaborate. Let him miss what he will be missing if he continues on his path. And don't let that silence throw you. Enjoy it.
The MLC stuff seems to include a lot of cake eating behaviour. I just try to not get so sucked in. Baby steps, deal with on little thing at a time. I have had a hard time doing 180's. I wish I could have done a lot different, but it is what it is.
Many times I have read on here to move on with your life, but leave room for them to catch up with you later. Do what is best for you.
As for the not letting people treat us a certain way I have gotten way better at just stating my feelings right away. When my son doesn't seem to care about helping me with getting ready to sell the house and goes off on crazy tangents about redesigning the front yard, or building a special compost heap I stop him and tell him my objective.
He mows the yard today and picks up his coconut husk collection out of the back yard. More action less talk. Then when he goes back on crazy tangent I tell him when he owns his own house he can do what he wants,but today I just want the lawn mowed and trash gone.
So identify how you want treated different and then ask directly for what you want. Repeat as needed.
Good Luck!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Talking about being out of the loop with kids/grandkids. I'm always the one buying the gifts, sending them, getting cards, for everyone, even H's parents. Today, I was writing a message in the birthday cards for two grandkids whose birthdays are this month, and signed it "grandma". I will not remind him about their birthdays anymore. He must do for himself. I did buy his dad a Get Well card, so I weakened there, but I thought it would be nice for him to send one to his dad, since he is not doing well.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
