You are right MR. Bond. Right now it seems that she hates/despises me and at the very least does not like me. The truth is the person that she is right now is very hard to be with and/or show passion too when it comes down to it.
Hi AnotherStander - I have read your posts - I think at the core we are going through the same thing, trying to keep a wife from walking away. I wish you the best with your situation. Hang in there man. Hope you are stronger then me. Had some tough days lately.
I did read the 5LL and her's is quality time but her mindset is so negative right now it is hard, for her at least, to enjoy herself when we are together. That is a good idea with the ILY. I want to say them to my wife but they did not get a response, or worse I got a glared at, so I stopped. I will not stop saying them to the kids. If I were to really go hard core with DR/DB I would not do anything right now with her because when we are alone the reaction has generally be negative. Makes it tough.
The scary thing is that I am seeing a side of her that is starting to make me questions things. The reasons that I have really loved her have come in to question. I always trusted her 100% but after the EA that she wanted to turn into a real affair and got turned down that has been hard. I always thought she was a great if not excellent mother but seeing her lately has made me question that. I was shocked when right after she told me she wanted to separate - I explained to her how I was having a hard time even thinking about being away from the kids - she told me I could have full custody. I just could never imagine her even thinking that. She has never been a good housekeeper but now she has really let everything go. And because the house is a mess she will not let the kids have friends over so they suffer. She has been snapping at the kids a lot to the point that I have brought it to her attention a few times. Regarding me, her comments, if that was all someone was to hear, would make me out to be a monster. When our kids were born she became a stay at home mom and I worked my butt off (70+ hours a week was about right) and now she looks back and I was an inattentive father back then. She loves to spend money and now that does not matter that I have worked hard to provide that to her. We got into an argument over sex on our wedding day because she withheld sex from me for 6-8 weeks (not sure) before the wedding (to make her more desirable she said) and when she told me on our wedding day about it I was upset. I walked down the aisle thinking my wife was not attracted to me and I did not understand how she could put me through that. Now I am some horrible person that ruined her wedding day because all she remembers is the argument and not the reason for it. I think in any marriage you could take snapshots of moments, string them together, leave out the other side, and make someone look horrible. If I had to describe my wife right now it would be moody, one-sided (unfair), not that involved as a mother, lazy and selfish (materialistic) and I am afraid that I am going to fall out of love with her if this goes on to long. The person that she is right now is not desirable at all. I am amazed at reading some of the posts and seeing how people have been at it for a years. Wow. I know deep down I could not make it as long as others on here. I love my wife more than anything and I pray she is in some dark spot and that she figures it out and gets back involved in this marriage. If it were not for the kids I do not know if we would make it. I would go through hell and back for these kids. For my wife too really, at least the person I was married too. If this is the person she is changing in to we are in trouble. Big big trouble. Icky thoughts today. But...
I am going to continue to be the light that shines through the fog. I am going to show her how enjoyment can be had.
The sad thing is that this threatened separation/divorce really woke something in me. She was right in that I needed to change. I realize that I was not a good husband. I love the new me. I love what I have become and what I am becoming. There is so much more to life then I ever imagined. I know that if my wife would join me on really working on our relationship we would have an amazing life. Sad. Sad that we seemed to have crossed paths and may never get back on the same one all because she is living in the past. God this is tough.
