Yeah I remember you had posted that before. I just hate that some of my time is wasted thinking of them. Even when I am working hard, and bam - there they are. I just am frustrated with myself so much right now because I am the reason I am here. If I would have just taken care of my marriage, I wouldnt be worried about what they are doing. Grr... And this is the reason why I cannot forgive myself Carnac. I fault myself for ALL of this. Even though, yes he had a hand in it - I am the one that didnt take care of us in the end.
Wholly Schnikey's Girlfriend!
You are way too hard on yourself! Yes you made some mistakes & yes you respond by emotion way too much (as do we all, trust me). But by no means are you 100% to blame for everything that happened in your R!!!
God made us very Falible creatures, who make mistakes & sin repeatedly.
I think one of your immediate goals should be to start FORGIVING yourself!!
You made some mistakes, now move past them & work on correcting the things that bother you most about yourself.
I know that this is easier for me to preach to you sitting out here in the cheap seats, but I see a lot of me in you. For a long time at the beginning of my sitch, I blamed everything entirely on myself & kept telling myself what a horrible fricken JackA$$ I was (granted I was, but who's counting...LoL). My W made a lot of mistakes as well, but it is not for me to judge any of them, because who is to say that if I did everything right, I wouldn't still be here in this sitch??
Make no mistake, I may seem like I have it all together & am ready to move on with my life. But TRUST me when I say, I want nothing more than my W and I to reconcile & have 50 years of bliss ahead of us, rolling down the beach in our scooters from the scooter store. But I also know that neither of us would make it together for another 50 years right now, until we work on our own issues.
Keep it up Girl! We will all keep you grounded, but you have to truly look within & tell yourself that it is ok to make mistakes.
