WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

Thanks Higher... had a good cry last night and a little better. I just feel like I've let my S down. He so wants us back together. And I know, in my head, that things can change it's just hard for some reason.

In some ways it was good that it happened. For several weeks now I've just gotten this hostile/aggressive vibe from my STBX. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, though I didn't spend much time figuring it out either.

We were talking as she was heading to the store. After we were done she asked if I wanted to stay and see the kids while she ran quick. When she got back we talked some more and that aggressive/hostile thing was gone.

Looking back I see it now... this is exactly how things would be when were together. When she had something she was embarrassed to tell me or had to tell me something that she thought would disappoint me, she would get aggressive and hostile which would push me away. Typically this happened when she was supposedly not smoking but had taken it up again and didn't want to tell me. Or had to do with something she spent money on outside of our budget.

Once she would finally just admit it the tension would disappear and we'd get along better. Unfortunately I would let the hostility continue for weeks rather than confront her on it.

We ended up talking about the holidays, presents and so forth. A few months back we had talked about doing presents together (since otherwise when I see SS and SD on a holiday is pretty tough). I told her since she has a guy now I understand if that needs to change or not happen. She got this quirky look on her face and told me that her and the guy aren't "like that"... so for now I guess things remain as they were.