Denver: I agree with your sentiment, but i'll add that they THINK their telling us. If I say something in French and you don't understand French and so b/c of that you dont do what i've asked you to is that my problem or yours?
Again, im not here to blame the WAS or to release the LBS from blame because there is plenty enough to go around for both. There are two things I think of when I think back to my issues in the marriage.
The first one I posted recently is the flaw in the golden rule....do unto others as you would have them do unto you....the flaw with that to me is that you should actually do unto others the way they wish to be done. At least if you want them to be happy.....i treated my wife in ways that would have made ME ecstatic if she would have simply mirrored them, but never spent enough time finding out if that was working for her.
And secondly....i told the long winded story here once before but the gist of it is a one-liner from the father of a good friend of mine who told a guy one time "either I ain't saying it right or you ain't hearing it right but somehow the message isn't getting through" And thats where I get that I say they THINK their telling us. In their mind they are, but if they simply knew the principle of keep doing what works and if its not working change then they would have changed the communication somehow until we actually heard it.
