Yesterday was another good one as far as im concerned. After work we had our fantasy football draft. We've got a big league here in the office and the draft is probably the most fun part of the entire year, we order pizza, gather in the conference room and start picking. Its a joy b/c it doesn't matter who you pick when someone will either say thats who they were about to get or rib you for picking that person entirely too soon. We always laugh and have a good time with it and yesterday was no exception.
I picked my son up from church and he said he was staying with me again, that makes 5 nights in a row I think.....i absolutely love that he's doing that b/c we've really missed hanging out with each other, and I think it is also having an effect on her. He sent her a text to tell her he was staying with me and she texted back that I had a package arrive. He had already given me the phone and left the room so I told her it was me not him texting and that I knew what the package was...some of my teams jerseys that didnt get sent with the first oreder...and that I didnt need them until the weekend so it was no big deal.
Then she sent another one about wether we were practicing on Friday or not b/c its supposed to be raining..we are practicing, just moving indoors if its raining and I told her I wouldnt be avaialable to take my son to practice b/c my assistants father passed away and their having the memorial Friday night....this led to her chatting more about his dads illness etc.....she was pretty chatty to say the least....I knew that it wouldnt last too long so I wanted to be the one to end it so I told her i needed to get to bed b/c Tuesday had been a late night and just as I hit send she sent me one that said she was going to bed.
I did send one more that told her she owed me a coke for saying it at the same time as me and she sent back LOL..Night. I know thats simply not much for alot of people on here, but for her to reply back in that manner is a step forward for her so Im in a great mood....and have ZERO expectations.
Yesterday was another good one as far as im concerned. After work we had our fantasy football draft. We've got a big league here in the office and the draft is probably the most fun part of the entire year, we order pizza, gather in the conference room and start picking. Its a joy b/c it doesn't matter who you pick when someone will either say thats who they were about to get or rib you for picking that person entirely too soon. We always laugh and have a good time with it and yesterday was no exception.
I picked my son up from church and he said he was staying with me again, that makes 5 nights in a row I think.....i absolutely love that he's doing that b/c we've really missed hanging out with each other, and I think it is also having an effect on her. He sent her a text to tell her he was staying with me and she texted back that I had a package arrive. He had already given me the phone and left the room so I told her it was me not him texting and that I knew what the package was...some of my teams jerseys that didnt get sent with the first oreder...and that I didnt need them until the weekend so it was no big deal.
Then she sent another one about wether we were practicing on Friday or not b/c its supposed to be raining..we are practicing, just moving indoors if its raining and I told her I wouldnt be avaialable to take my son to practice b/c my assistants father passed away and their having the memorial Friday night....this led to her chatting more about his dads illness etc.....she was pretty chatty to say the least....I knew that it wouldnt last too long so I wanted to be the one to end it so I told her i needed to get to bed b/c Tuesday had been a late night and just as I hit send she sent me one that said she was going to bed.
I did send one more that told her she owed me a coke for saying it at the same time as me and she sent back LOL..Night. I know thats simply not much for alot of people on here, but for her to reply back in that manner is a step forward for her so Im in a great mood....and have ZERO expectations.
Love that you had a great evening Carnac, and it ended on a positive note to say the least. YAY!! Funny you sent the text about the coke - that is something me and my X did as well. Happy Thursday to you my friend!
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Thanks MrsD: It was definitely a fun evening. Had a nice run this morning and am trying to figure out what to do this evening. Their calling for rain by the time I get off of work and im thinking that me and S11 may go bowling this evening im not sure. Believe it or not my first thought when I considered taking him bowling is that she'll think im trying to be the Super Fun dad so he'll stay with me even more b/c its certainly not something I would have done before, but at this point, im not going to let what she may think of what im doing stop me from doing it. She can think anything she wants but I wanna do something with him this evening and if bowling is what we decide on then thats what we'll do.
If its not raining we're headed to a Jr. High football game, he's got friends on the team and I've got kids i've coached in the past on it so hopefully the rain holds off and we get to see them play. I'd also like to note that he has been wanting me to pray with him every night before he goes to bed and its been awesome, but to hear the sincerity in his prayers and the honesty almost brings me to tears every night. I actually think he may be teaching me HOW to pray.
Thanks MrsD: It was definitely a fun evening. Had a nice run this morning and am trying to figure out what to do this evening. Their calling for rain by the time I get off of work and im thinking that me and S11 may go bowling this evening im not sure. Believe it or not my first thought when I considered taking him bowling is that she'll think im trying to be the Super Fun dad so he'll stay with me even more b/c its certainly not something I would have done before, but at this point, im not going to let what she may think of what im doing stop me from doing it. She can think anything she wants but I wanna do something with him this evening and if bowling is what we decide on then thats what we'll do.
If its not raining we're headed to a Jr. High football game, he's got friends on the team and I've got kids i've coached in the past on it so hopefully the rain holds off and we get to see them play. I'd also like to note that he has been wanting me to pray with him every night before he goes to bed and its been awesome, but to hear the sincerity in his prayers and the honesty almost brings me to tears every night. I actually think he may be teaching me HOW to pray.
Sounds to me that you have one great kid!! Congrats on everything that you are doing making him feel more comfortable through this all. The young man that he is growing into should make you proud as well. Congrats!
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Believe it or not my first thought when I considered taking him bowling is that she'll think im trying to be the Super Fun dad so he'll stay with me even more b/c its certainly not something I would have done before, but at this point, im not going to let what she may think of what im doing stop me from doing it. She can think anything she wants but I wanna do something with him this evening and if bowling is what we decide on then thats what we'll do.
If its not raining we're headed to a Jr. High football game, he's got friends on the team and I've got kids i've coached in the past on it so hopefully the rain holds off and we get to see them play. I'd also like to note that he has been wanting me to pray with him every night before he goes to bed and its been awesome, but to hear the sincerity in his prayers and the honesty almost brings me to tears every night. I actually think he may be teaching me HOW to pray.
Not to sound brute or harsh, but who cares if she thinks you are now the SUPER FUN dad as you state. These are all called 180's, changes, GALing, and things that you once wouldn't normally have done! Your supposed to have fun with your kids. Otherwise, what fun is being a parent?
Having coordinated prayer with your children is a GREAT thing to do & instill in them at a very young age. I was never anti-religion and have always considered myself to be a non-practicing Christian over the years. I think this had to do with the fact that my parents DIDN'T have prayer with us, or even take us to church for that matter. So I made the mistake of not doing this from the very beginning.
What ended up happening is: I pushed back on going to church with kids/wife throughout our entire M, and now that I have been saved & living the way I am supposed to as a Father & good Christian, my W is totally upset because she wanted that all along. This was not the norm for me throughout the realtionship, which I regret. But this is one of the 180's that I have done over the last 6 months. And I have to tell you, it has been awesome to say the least. I don't go around thumping people on the head with the bible, but the kids and I truly enjoy church, functions, & evening prayer. I regret not doing it sooner in life, but these are the kind of things that happen in your life that GOD reaches down and grabs a hold of you (slaps you & says wake up idiot, you are losing someone very special in your life). I am very thankful for that fact, because it has instilled in me some values that I never really lived by, and I think that is why the Lord allows us to go through these trials.
Ok, sorry, enough preaching!
Enjoy the time you have with your S and look at it as a blessing, because you never know what the future holds, or if you will get another opportunity. (The movie Courageous really drove that home for me)
MrsD: My son is awesome and im more impressed with him everyday. He's always been somewhat mature for his age, but this has seemed to make him mature even more. On the one hand im glad he has, and on the other hand I want him to be a kid a bit longer b/c he's dealing with things that I simply think he shouldnt have to think about.
Suppo: Im with you on the thumping thing, I don't necessarily go around trying to convert everyone I see, but I also will never shy away from the fact that im a Christian and proud of it. Glad to hear that you finally accepted Christ thats awesome.
Its so interesting b/c you hear the same things from so many people on here and yours rings so true with me about your wife wondering why you wouldnt do that before b/c she wanted it all along. And I wonder why they won't acccept that we're doing it now. I know that often times they 'think' they've been saying it all along, but often times I think that they're not saying it in a way we can hear....and also that we're not listening. I hear alot on here that someone's spouse will say they shouldnt have to go to this extreme ..i.e. leaving..to get their spouses attention, but if they're doing it for our attention, then why not work with us now b/c I can assure you they have our full attention at this point.
Its so interesting b/c you hear the same things from so many people on here and yours rings so true with me about your wife wondering why you wouldnt do that before b/c she wanted it all along. And I wonder why they won't acccept that we're doing it now. I know that often times they 'think' they've been saying it all along, but often times I think that they're not saying it in a way we can hear....and also that we're not listening. I hear alot on here that someone's spouse will say they shouldnt have to go to this extreme ..i.e. leaving..to get their spouses attention, but if they're doing it for our attention, then why not work with us now b/c I can assure you they have our full attention at this point.
Just my rant for the morning.......
I hear you loud and clear, and this is exactly what MWD would like to portray to women out there about going to this kind of extreme to get there H's attention. I watched the YouTube video of her stating exactly what you said above at least 20 times.
I too wish my W would have beat me over the head and came out bluntly a long time ago without going to this extreme, because I am a neanderthal & do not read subtelty at all...LoL
Its so interesting b/c you hear the same things from so many people on here and yours rings so true with me about your wife wondering why you wouldnt do that before b/c she wanted it all along. And I wonder why they won't acccept that we're doing it now. I know that often times they 'think' they've been saying it all along, but often times I think that they're not saying it in a way we can hear....and also that we're not listening. I hear alot on here that someone's spouse will say they shouldnt have to go to this extreme ..i.e. leaving..to get their spouses attention, but if they're doing it for our attention, then why not work with us now b/c I can assure you they have our full attention at this point.
Just my rant for the morning.......
I hear you loud and clear, and this is exactly what MWD would like to portray to women out there about going to this kind of extreme to get there H's attention. I watched the YouTube video of her stating exactly what you said above at least 20 times.
I too wish my W would have beat me over the head and came out bluntly a long time ago without going to this extreme, because I am a neanderthal & do not read subtelty at all...LoL
And I agree with you guys as well with the above comments. My X just said to me just on Saturday last week - "I dont understand why you are doing everything you should have before the divorce was final. We wouldnt be here!" As I told him before, it took him walking away to realize the person I was. Right or wrong, thats what it took. I didnt respond to his comment Saturday. He knows the reason because Ive told him before. But like everyone says - they see we are making changes. I know my X wont come back to me anytime soon because he thinks its a tactic. And thats fine. Gives me more time to work on myself, and to prove this is the new and improved ME!!
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
MrsD: My son is awesome and im more impressed with him everyday. He's always been somewhat mature for his age, but this has seemed to make him mature even more. On the one hand im glad he has, and on the other hand I want him to be a kid a bit longer b/c he's dealing with things that I simply think he shouldnt have to think about.
Suppo: Im with you on the thumping thing, I don't necessarily go around trying to convert everyone I see, but I also will never shy away from the fact that im a Christian and proud of it. Glad to hear that you finally accepted Christ thats awesome.
Its so interesting b/c you hear the same things from so many people on here and yours rings so true with me about your wife wondering why you wouldnt do that before b/c she wanted it all along. And I wonder why they won't acccept that we're doing it now. I know that often times they 'think' they've been saying it all along, but often times I think that they're not saying it in a way we can hear....and also that we're not listening. I hear alot on here that someone's spouse will say they shouldnt have to go to this extreme ..i.e. leaving..to get their spouses attention, but if they're doing it for our attention, then why not work with us now b/c I can assure you they have our full attention at this point.
Just my rant for the morning.......
They were telling us. Just not in a way that we were willing to hear, or in a way that we understood.
By the time that they walk away, they have reached an extreme level of frustration. They have thrown their hands up believing that they have done everything that they could to communicate the problems to their LBS. They usually believe that they are done trying. They convince themselves of that and then validate their decision by altering history and vilifying the LBS beyond what is usually the reality.
The walk away spouse is not without fault usually. IMO, from what I've seen, the number one fault of the walk away spouse is that they did not take the time to educate themselves as we do here after they have left. They fail to look for other ways to COMMUNICATE their unhappiness to their LBS.
JMO.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
They were telling us. Just not in a way that we were willing to hear, or in a way that we understood.
I agree 100%!! Too bad they wouldn't just hit us across the face with a 2x4 or something similar
By the time that they walk away, they have reached an extreme level of frustration. They have thrown their hands up believing that they have done everything that they could to communicate the problems to their LBS. They usually believe that they are done trying. They convince themselves of that and then validate their decision by altering history and vilifying the LBS beyond what is usually the reality.
The walk away spouse is not without fault usually. IMO, from what I've seen, the number one fault of the walk away spouse is that they did not take the time to educate themselves as we do here after they have left. They fail to look for other ways to COMMUNICATE their unhappiness to their LBS.
JMO.
Denver
Agreed again with your opinion! You would think as far as things have moved forward over the years, that communication would get better. Instead IMO, communication has gotten worse & people look for the quickest answer/way out of things
