Thank you very much Accuray. I just read Arsene's recent post on anger and it was an eye opener for me. It’s another reason why I need to get lined up with an IC, which I will be doing. During my marriage I slept on the couch forever! Sex was very minimal, not by my choice. As MWD says, I was “going down the cheeseless tunnels.”
Reflecting on our marriage is hard for me however I have so much to work through to make myself a better ME regardless of the outcome. I’ve had a ton of adversity to overcome growing up and I am sure some of my shortcomings came out in our marriage.
Back to the point I am trying to make. I swept all our marriage problems under the rug for so long. I don’t know why I expected them to fix themselves, part of me just didn’t know how to fix them. Arsene’s and Carnac’s recent comments talk about how anger can really do a ton of harm at pushing W away, and that’s what I have gone through. Both my W and I dealt with anger. I always internalized it, I rarely yell or fight back. I guess I didn't know how to communicate in a effective way.
I heard a comment yesterday that really struck a chord with me. It went something like, self-esteem and confidence is gained by achievements. As some of you already know, one of my shortcomings over the years is that I wasn’t a good enough provider for our family. I’ve been loving and caring over the years, just not in the way W wants. I guess that's where the love languages come into play.
I know I am all over the place right now. Another point I want to make before I wrap up this post. I feel I am putting to much energy thinking about my W and not enough energy thinking about me. I think Denver made a comment about overanalyzing W to much and by doing so, it can really beat yourself down. I am going to “try” to take the focus of my W as much as I can. I get so distracted because she will always be in my life for one reason or another. I see her because of the kids exchange and then I receive the texts and emails. For the most part, when W and I correspond I should process whatever I am dealing with and then get my mind on something else.
