Thanks for the support Denver and Starsky. I very much appreciate your advice, and I truly feel that I'm progressing better now than I was a few weeks ago.
Starsky, you're 100% right... I can write and write and think and think forever, and literally nothing will change until I take action.
I think my biggest dilemma right now is the timing of the action... Do I go ahead and take the action now, via phone... Or wait it out until I see W in person sometime next month? I know that's a decision only I can make, and at this moment, they're weighing 50-50.
The good news, I suppose, is there is no part of me that is willing to continue along this "wait and see" path for much longer. I know my action plan, I know it's going to be a tough road, but I KNOW that no matter what comes of it, I will be a better man by taking this action.
Thanks again guys for your help, advice, and for just being here to say hey. It means a ton!
Starsky, you're 100% right... I can write and write and think and think forever, and literally nothing will change until I take action.
Yes, but every decision that you make, and every word that you utter, should be made with the utmost thought, planning and with deliberation.
I know that there is a part of you that wants to rush to action. Sometimes, the best action is to sit quietly and let the answer come to you.
You know what you think that you should do. Now wait for the right time.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Sorry about the Jekyll and Hyde stuff! But it feels nice to vent these blue feelings rather than let them simmer.
We're all dealing (or have dealt)with a WAS, we're quite used to Jekyll and Hyde stuff!
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
Sometimes, the best action is to sit quietly and let the answer come to you.
To quote a wise man I know "^^^^^ Wisdom!"
Unless you are convinced that you're there, I wouldn't rush into anything without a good dose of patience and mulling over. Some options will always be there, others won't. We've only been at this for a relatively short time you and I and I know how you must be feeling with OM in the picture (believe me I do), but I also know that you still love your wife dearly and that you would like to have her back NOW. Don't use an "extreme" measure as a tactic. Just do it if it's the way you truly feel.
Cheers mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thanks Arsene. I'm sure you know exactly how tough this all is!
The toughest part here, at least for me, is trying to make sure that I'm properly weighing out the actions and introspection. I need to make absolutely sure that i'm doing this, taking these actions, for ME, not to try to solicit an action from HER.
I'm definitely doing a good job in the "mulling it over" department, which is very good for me... a 180 that I've worked hard on... I'm normally one who wants to take immediate action, to fix whatever issue pops up in the shortest possible time, rarely giving it the proper amount of thought and consideration. I impulsively want to fix things and take control of situations in which I have very little, if any, actual control over...
And while I was writing my last post, W texted to tell me she'll be down in exactly a month to get the rest of her stuff. She says that's the only weekend that she can "bring help"...
Kinda puts me in a weird situation, as I'd like to be able to talk with her alone when she comes down, but if she's bringing along help, that seems less likely to occur...
And while I was writing my last post, W texted to tell me she'll be down in exactly a month to get the rest of her stuff. She says that's the only weekend that she can "bring help"...
Kinda puts me in a weird situation, as I'd like to be able to talk with her alone when she comes down, but if she's bringing along help, that seems less likely to occur...
Should I offer to help her myself?
If it were me, I would say "I can help you, if it means you can come alone. I've been thinking a lot about our situation, and beginning to make some decisions, and I'd like to have an opportunity to talk privately with you when you come down. I think the two of us can handle the stuff, don't you?"
This does three things. One, it's LEADING -- it lets her know that she's not the only one driving the bus here, with you waiting around like a puppy dog to see what she decides. Two, it gives you the private one-on-one to have "The Talk" when she comes down.
So what's "Three?" Three is, a little old-fashioned infidelitus interruptus never hurts. If you give her a whole month to squirm and wonder "What has he decided? What is it he wants to talk to me about when I come down, that he wants to be private? WHAT'S IN HIS HEAD??!! Am I losing him as my fallback option??!"
Great advice Starsky... So I actually went ahead and said MOST of that already...
I told her I'd be happy to help and she could line up the other help back in Central Florida, but she responded that she thinks it would be best "for both of us" if I wasn't there when she packed the rest of her stuff.
I told her that I had something I wanted to discuss with her in person, and she responded "Yeah, there are some things we need to discuss... but is there any particular reason you can't talk with me about it over the phone?"
I responded that I would prefer to meet, but I suppose the phone could work"
Then she asked if I wanted to talk about it now!
I told her "I'm working, so it's not the best time... What is it YOU wanted to discuss?:
She just responded "Well, you're working, so I guess its not the best time, right?"
Your response: "Nothing that can't wait to be discussed in person, considering how important everything obviously is at this stage." -- and then AVOID any phone conversation, in my opinion.
Again, that's just me. If you DO decide to discuss this by phone, do it at a time that works for YOU. Don't play this junior-high game of "Well, what do YOU want to talk about??" ... "No, you go first . . " " No, YOU go first . . . "
Your response: "Nothing that can't wait to be discussed in person, considering how important everything obviously is at this stage." -- and then AVOID any phone conversation, in my opinion.
Again, that's just me. If you DO decide to discuss this by phone, do it at a time that works for YOU. Don't play this junior-high game of "Well, what do YOU want to talk about??" ... "No, you go first . . " " No, YOU go first . . . "
(((rolls eyes)))
For what it's worth, I would suggest this as well!
