Yesterday I accepted H invitation to lunch and we met. He wanted to talk about my therapy session. I was brief and changed the subject to talk about a home remodeling project he is working on. Afterward he asked if I would come to his work site to see the project. I declined because #1, I was tired from going to his worksite the day before and #2, I wanted to visit my mom for awhile. He walked me to my car an attempted to kiss me. I did not respond then asked if he could kiss me and I obliged. An hour later H text "my love" to my phone but I did not respond. Soon afterward he called and we only talked briefly as I was still working. After work I went home to freshen up then off to visit my mom. Later H called and asked what was for dinner. I had already eaten at mom's and told him I was not going to cook. He suggested I go with him to grab a bite to eat and have a drink and I did. During this time I did not bring up the A and neither did he. Afterward we went home. H stayed up a little while on the computer. He got upset b/c the wife of one of our mutual friends posted something negative about cheaters on FB and he took it as a direct attack on him. I was tired and fell asleep. B/c I am not snooping, I do not know if he was on FB or texting OW and I did not ask. During the night I could feel him cuddling me.

H layed in the bed longer than usual this morning complaining about how tired he was from the remodeling and showed off his scrapes and bruises. I could sense he wanted some extra attention. I applied some antiseptic to his minor wounds and I noticed he was smiling. I prepared breakfast and we ate together with a little small talk. While eating he asked me for the password to the AT&T account (as if he didn't know it) and opened the account. I turned away as if I was not interested in looking at the data usage. He said, oh I need to pay the bill today. I did not respond. I told him to have a good day as I was whisking out of the door. He yelled, "You're not going to give me a kiss goodbye?", I replied, sure honey..kissed him on the cheek, said I love you and have a nice day. He replied, I love you twice and to have a good day as well.

Yes, I wanted to grab the phone and look at the call and data usage activity but I DID NOT. I wanted to ask are you still texting, FB'ing and calling the OW but I DID NOT. Still hurting but I'm trying my hardest to DB, back-off and focus on becoming the best me I can be.

Thanks so much to both of you. I cannot tell you how much your reinforcement of DB principles mean to me. I view everyday as a blessing and I want to LIVE the best life I can. I'm tired of crying and feeling hopeless. I'm tired of feeling like the A is controlling me. Where do I go from here? Trying to stay the course....


Me:42
H:38
M:15yrs
DD:4/2012
H in PA&EA
Current Status:H continues EA via texts, phone calls & FB