Arsene: As you know I too deal with anger and even though im dealing with a therapist on it, I still really don't know where it comes from. Have you read the His needs her needs? If not then you should, and if you have you should read one of the companion books its called Love Busters. Im sure that like most of us you didnt do some things that you should have done in your marriage, but I have come to realize that it probably wasn't so much what I didnt do, as what I DID do.
We have an engineer here at work that always said you could wipe out ten attaboys with one o sh!t. Thats what Love Busters talks about, avoiding things that push your spouse away, sure you need to do things that bring your spouse close, but if you can't avoid pushing them away it doesnt matter how much your trying to bring them close.
And anger drives people away quickly and specifically I think it drives woman away in droves. Woman are more gentle and thoughtful than men most of the time so they don't understand anger and quite honestly it scares them. My wife said she was scared of me.....i didnt understand that at all b/c there's no way I would EVER touch my wife, and she even said she knew that I wouldnt, but she also said that I got angry so often she was worried about saying anything to me for fear it would make me mad. And then I did one of two or three things...passive agressive ignoring, punishing by bringing up old stuff or yelling.
Anger in itself isnt a bad thing, its what we do with it that is bad. Im slowly learning that most of my anger comes from MY expectations of others and how they SHOULD act. Quite honestly these people dont even know how I think they should act, and really what gives me the right to expect any other human to act in any way I have tried to force others through anger to act the way that I think they SHOULD act. Its absurd...thus you end up like me being told your controlling and angry and don't think that your either one until you do a little introspection and realize that your absolutely both.
Deal with your anger, you can overcome it and when you do you'll have all that time and energy you put into being angry to channel into better things.
