I think what I fear now is dealing with my past while in childhood for the most part. And that because of all the stuff I dealt him, that he may never be able to forgive and trust me again. Those two things.
Beautiful! Work through those two fears.
And don't worry about the GF. It is statistically possible (probable) that things won't work out between the two of them...
Originally Posted By: Mrs D
What do I want to fix.... Back when I had the MLC 3 years ago, I had a one night fling. Didnt mean anything but what it was. Too much alcohol. Depression. Didn't feel appreciated where I was. It happened. I have yet to forgive myself for that night. And Im working on that through IC. The EA with the trainer was stupid. I befriended my PT and we texted all the time. Of course my XH was upset and asked me to stop. I was stubborn and said he couldn't tell me who I was going to be friends with. Dumb stupid move on my part. Ended our marriage.
I think the above sums up quite nicely, even though each sitch is unique, what eventually goes through the mind of a WAS / MLCer AFTER the fact.
WHY you made the choices you made IS relevant. Yet MORE relevant is the SBT aspect of, "I will do things... and I will do them DIFFERENT and make positive changes."
I think for you, this is a great realization AND it alone shows positive growth in you. If it shows here... it will show IRL... and it should help your R with your X, so long as your X can see it and can trust it.
So NO MORE HIDING! (ie. N/C is hiding and avoiding the "tough stuff"...) If you were MLC (and it's quite possible, based on how you explained your reasoning), then your past behaviours over the past three years was all about N/C / hiding / avoiding... time to do something different...
So this vvvvv:
Originally Posted By: Mrs D
So I want to work on being more open anda honest. I need to work on my communication skills with anyone to be honest. I can write down what I am feeling but for the life of me I cannot communicate it if I were speaking to you. Now that I believe I am out of MLC, I dont go out regularly. Shoot I don't even go to bars any longer. I focus more on my son if anything. Before I made my friends and the social scene a priority. Ive ditched the not so good friends. Ive ditched the PT. Ive made alot if good changes already, and I feel I have even more to make with the communications, the being open and honest, and the one thing I absolutely HAVE to do, and I struggle with it, is to forgive myself. I will never be able to love myself, or love another till I can do that.
is the important focus, IMHO.
Work on the stuff in bold.
The stuff about going out or going to the bar... well, you still need to GAL. You can just choose to do it in an open, honest, healthy and respectful way.
Work through those two fears.
