After 18 months - H is finally filing.

[25yearsmlc]

KG

you are getting good advice. I admit, I probably would have felt similarly in your sitch at that moment.

I do wish he could see his "fix HER" mode of talking to you, b/c it implies that you did something wrong. I'd have resented it under the cirsumstances.

On the other hand

remember when it comes to the kids, the main point must always be that-

YOU BOTH want the rash to go away, b/c

You BOTH want the best for the kids.

As long as you keep that in mind, it'll help. Acknowledge it.

And As guilty as you feel for the past,

my mind read on him, is that HE has his own baggage about leaving his kids.

So defensiveness on HIS end makes sense to me. Perhaps He assumes you are attacking him, or planning to, or seething, or nursing wounds HE caused, and he reacts.

So go back to the basic premise of

"We both want what's best for our kids, (given the givens)"...and don't forget that.

And when you slip up, forgive yourself. But hey, same goes for him. He will screw up. His "online research" was an effort to fix the problem, to "solve" it and a lot of men do that. In some, it's a wonderful trait; in others it's infuriating.

But it's not meant to insult, I don't believe. B/C again, we'll go back to our main point okay? HE and YOU want what's best for the kids.

As for other r's in your life, follow Adinva's advice, which I really like, about assuming the best of others' views of us.

Maybe you can use what I use when I perform sometimes.

Before I go out on stage, I tell myself the audience WANTS to like me and or,

that "No one paid to see a show they want to hate"...and now I realize it is the same for most of our world.

If you get hired somewhere, they want you to solve their problem and fill their need. They WANT you to succeed.

Maybe you can work on assuming that your h wants the same for you, at least vis a vis the kids.

Don't forget to apply that forgiveness work, to yourself too. I am happy to hear about your talk with your MIL. Not tactically speaking, but it's nice for her to hear and believe you are different now. It's a start...


((( )))