Yes, sleeping in the guest room now for 4 months. Its a pretty comfortable room with its own bathroom, cable TV etc. But its not my room and I want to be back in my bed with H. I don't want to end up like the couple on Hope Springs who slept separately for 5 years. I also have friends who sleep in separate rooms or who haven't ML for years. Its never been like that with us we always had a good sex life.
Hey gal, I'm still at school. I had some stuff today I posted. H seems determined to want a D. I posted some stuff and TSquared2 is helping me with a guy's perspective.
Since I started class I asked H a couple times to send me a song via email for the trip home. He did but I wondered if it had been pursuing. Had some texting today after D talk and he sent me a song unsolicited because I knew I would like it.
I'm wondering if control is a big issue for him. I am trying to tell myself I might end up D but still wondering if I can calm his heart now and let some time pass.
The instructor in my class told me privately her (now deceased) H had a TEN YEAR MLC and put her through he!! and then he was an amazing and WONDERUL H after. He had somewhat of an amnesia about his MLC period. She said occasionally he would realize what he was doing but most of the time not. And he couldn't remember it all afterward!
Her advice "work it out! Hang in there! Don't give up!"
Okay. It would be nice to not have to get D in the process. But I think my H has convinced himself it's the only way to freedom. If I could somehow give him more space I need to do that.
How are you?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Yes, that's what I mean. Today. Chuck said to listen to his proposal and say I'd think about it. Which I did and he appreciated. I did say a few more things but no tears. And we seemed the same afterwards.
It was a beautiful trip home tonight with clear sky, nearly full moon and heater on in the convertible. I listened to some of the songs H sent me.
I talked to the instructor for a long time after class. After all she is a living success story after MLC. She told me lots of details of her sitch. They were married almost fifty years and she said they had 30 awesome years after his 10 year MLC! Imagine!
Her advice: be just as friendly and flirty but far less available. I can do that! I didn't today but I don't feel clingy or needy at all! I'm actually excited! It's great to have someone in person like that. Her H followed script and when I told her my sitch she said she felt like I was telling her own life story.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Wow 10 years. She must be one amazing person. I have heard if you can get through it, its better than ever! Something to hope for as long as you don't have too much hope, if you know what I mean. Get on with making the most of your life and maybe H will come out of the fog. Makes me wonder if my H is in replay. He's been going through this 12 months that I know of and its probably not long enough from most accounts.
I'm staying cautious. Don't want to get hurt again.
I don't think it was terrible the whole time for her. She said her turning points were when she begged her H for forgiveness one night (on bended knee) thus accepting blame for her share. He had no reaction!
Then she told her OBGYN (!) about it because she felt she couldn't trust family & friends. This doctor told her H at one point what an SOB he was. She said it got better after that, but he still drank heavily and stayed out till 2 or 3 in the morning often and wouldn't talk to her!
She said in later years he didn't drink at all but never ever told her where he was those nights except he wanted to have "fun". And she said he acted like a kid again during MLC! Must've been a number of years ago, too.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Yes, GB, more space. I've never really gone dark. Partly because I thought I couldn't handle it.
H & I are sort of like not able to stop once we start communicating like we are once we start ML.
I want to ask H to put off any D talk till end of r.e. school or I'll never pass. Five weeks or more for that. Then I need to study and take license exam. Meanwhile, I can practice not communicating nearly as much.
My new instructor friend gave me lots of ideas last night. I've heard it all before but wasn't ready to do it. I give H far too much info about me. She said to create mystery.
So....I can start today. What do you think about that?
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
I agree, its very MLC of your H. He is only thinking of himself. RE school is important and he doesn't have to bring up difficult issues while you are studying. Absolutely create mystery. Try going dim keep it going for a while. Sear what his reaction is? I'm sure he won't like it.
