Divorced #3

[Mrs D]

OK, lets narrow focus here:

He has a GF. So what? If that's a big deal in your personal boundaries, then walk away until he is single. Work on yourself and be a great option for someone ELSE that might find their way into your mind and heart.

You indicate that you want to fix yourself? In what ways? What specifically do you want to "fix"?

Of these things that you want to fix, are any of them ALSO things that your X might have had issue with? Bonus points on those ones that you fix.

So, back to basics... beginner's mind...

If you could answer the following:

Is your X having a GF a boundary? ie. You will not pursue someone who is in a relationship.

What things do you want to fix?

You are right. I do not want to be with anyone that is in a relationship. Boundry #1. But then in the next breath he says shes not my GF. Shes someone that I can hang out with. (LOL with benefits Im sure)

What do I want to fix.... Back when I had the MLC 3 years ago, I had a one night fling. Didnt mean anything but what it was. Too much alcohol. Depression. Didn't feel appreciated where I was. It happened. I have yet to forgive myself for that night. And Im working on that through IC. The EA with the trainer was stupid. I befriended my PT and we texted all the time. Of course my XH was upset and asked me to stop. I was stubborn and said he couldn't tell me who I was going to be friends with. Dumb stupid move on my part. Ended our marriage.

So I want to work on being more open anda honest. I need to work on my communication skills with anyone to be honest. I can write down what I am feeling but for the life of me I cannot communicate it if I were speaking to you. Now that I believe I am out of MLC, I dont go out regularly. Shoot I don't even go to bars any longer. I focus more on my son if anything. Before I made my friends and the social scene a priority. Ive ditched the not so good friends. Ive ditched the PT. Ive made alot if good changes already, and I feel I have even more to make with the communications, the being open and honest, and the one thing I absolutely HAVE to do, and I struggle with it, is to forgive myself. I will never be able to love myself, or love another till I can do that.

I think the reason for the fling waz MLC. We will explore that more after we get through my issues as a kid Im sure.

Bottom line: I just want to be a kind of person my kids will look up too. I want them to be proud when they say thats my mom. I didn't ever have that opportunity with my mom. I personally thought she deserved everything handed to her (she left my dad when i was 8). She lead us kids into an awful childhood.. i know i need to forgive her as well at some point. ..