The problem I have when we connect... Id have to say its my confidence and my self esteem. I find myself comparing to her because I feel I am damaged goods to him. She has a clean slate and could make everything he is looking for. With that in mind, I dont feel as if we connect as we had before. I dont want to say the wrong thing. Or i guess I just don't feel myself when we do interact. Like its almost forced. That to me is a huge negative because for 12 years its been light. Airy. We were best friends. So knowing he has her, I dont want to overstep my boundries. And I dont even know what THEY are anymore.

Otherwise, Im not even sure I feel any negatives from him. I mean, even the few embraces weve had it seemed as if he enjoyed them as well. He even looked as if he was expecting it tonight. But because I know thats a big no no, I simply left. And he almost looked surprised it didnt happen?

Anyway KD. My confidence and esteem are shot. And its mainly because he has her. And whats odd is I dont feel like Im competing against her. Because in all honesty, I know I am the better option even though Im a bit damaged. I know what he felt in his heart 7 weeks ago. I know his questioning why I am making the changes now that we are divorced makes me think he IS thinking what if..... so then my question to you knowing somethings I have pointed out, where did my confidence go?


M:43/ H:39
T:12/ M:9
S8, D15
M affair(one night): 2/09
M EA: 2/12-7/12
D:6/7/12
H: GF since 7/24/12

God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi