Divorced #3

[Arsene]

Wow, you guys have been busy in your time zone today. I just caught up on your sitch MrsD and Tried to address stuff as I saw it. Here's my take on it. Sorry if a lot of it repeats what't been said by others.

BTW, KDs words? Invaluable!!

Here is goes girl!!

Are you familiar with the Stockdale Paradox? It is the best framework I've seen for doing this whole "hope" vs. "brutal reality" balancing act that needs to be done. You might want to Google it.

Yup! Powerful stuff

“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” Vice Admiral James Bond Stockdale

I fear letting him go because it seems that its what I had done while we were in a relationship. I didnt make him my number one. Something in my mind tells me if I act as if I dont really care what hes doing, Ill lose him further. Im afraid of not letting him know what I am doing when Im doing stuff because thats what I had done before. I just want to do whats right, you know?

That's the way he felt when you left him. How did you feel when he did all of this ^^^^^^ to you? Did you suddenly fall in love with him and vowed your undying love? This should guide your moves MrsD. You've been on both sides. OK, you're not proud of what you did but maybe you can use what you've learned from it positively.

And the darndest part is if she knew thats how I actually felt right now she'd probably be working on us as we speak, but if she heard me say any of that right now she wouldnt believe even one part of it was genuine. I'll show her in the long run though b/c im gonna live it not say it.

Amen to this!

Ok - so my next question is how do you mend a broken heart?

Time, and GAL!!

Carnac, Sup, Arsene -. NO EMBRACES TONIGHT! ! But as I was walking by, he sorta acted like he was expecting one. I just walked in by, said good bye, and we were outties. I am very very very proud of myself! !!

Bravo!!! I know it does feel counter intuitive but that's the point. Our intuition, pursuing, begging, pleading, etc... doesn't work!