Next time try & chill in the car until the kids come out & jump in with you. Don't even go in and give him a look-see so to speak. Jump on the phone with someone while you are waiting for your kids to come out. If he asks about why you didn't come in, just say that you had an important call to finish & a lot of things going on. You can have a lot of things going on each time you come to pick up the kids, which will prevent you from having to go inside & have any contact with you at all.
IMO besides the embraces, you going in to make any face-time what-so-ever is just spinning you in the wrong direction!
Now repeat after me:
I am a good person! I will not go inside & make contact with him at all! I will sit in my car & wait for kids to come out! I will drive off & enjoy time at my place with kids! I am a good person!
Thanks Sup! Yeah, it does make sense what Starsky posted. I did REALLY well tonight if I do say so myself. And I agree about the GF. I couldnt say anything to him even if wanted to because he wont believe it.
Itll happen for sure. Im just going to work on me while he figures it all out.
Another awesome night at therapy again tonight. Homework for next week is writing a letter from 43 yr old Trish, to 8 yr old Trish. He told me to look at my son and what he is dealing with now to find my vulnerabilities and hurt. Yikes.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Next time try & chill in the car until the kids come out & jump in with you. Don't even go in and give him a look-see so to speak. Jump on the phone with someone while you are waiting for your kids to come out. If he asks about why you didn't come in, just say that you had an important call to finish & a lot of things going on. You can have a lot of things going on each time you come to pick up the kids, which will prevent you from having to go inside & have any contact with you at all.
IMO besides the embraces, you going in to make any face-time what-so-ever is just spinning you in the wrong direction!
Now repeat after me:
I am a good person! I will not go inside & make contact with him at all! I will sit in my car & wait for kids to come out! I will drive off & enjoy time at my place with kids! I am a good person!
God Speed Sister!
Lol we spoke of me being a good person tonight. I told him that a friend told me to repeat that I am a good person, and I explained to T that I am getting there, but Im just. Not. There..... he thinks maybe after this letter to myself it could open a new outlook..
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Kaffe is exactly right! NC is for you & by what you have posted, Starsky, I, & others have recommended that you go NC so that you can work on yourself & your emotions. Because based on the pattern that you have posted, contact with your H has caused you nothing but confusion & pain.
I definitely do not intend for you to go NC to invoke some kind of response from your H, and truly apologize if that is the way it came through in my posts.
I was in the same boat as you about having those emotions every time I came in contact with my W, so Starsky & Denver suggested to me that I should do NC as a 180 or LRT, to give me time to work on myself & regroup so to speak.
You won't truly have NC, because you have children together. But you can limit the contact tremendously, which will in turn give you time to step back & work on YOU.
Yes it does, thanks KD. I understand the theory of NC. Its just getting me to do it consecutively for longer than 2 days is the problem that I have. Or when contact has been made, that little bit of kibble that is left out is what I start feeding on. I am much better so far this week than I have in the past few weeks. Yes there has been some mistakes, and I realize them AS soon as I make them. I just regroup and try again. As much as the 4 mistakes I made this week from last Friday night were bad.... at the same time they are better than the 15 I may have made the week prior?
Im a work in progress. Ive made mistakes throughout this whole process. I like to think Im sorta getting it though?
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Kaffe is exactly right! NC is for you & by what you have posted, Starsky, I, & others have recommended that you go NC so that you can work on yourself & your emotions. Because based on the pattern that you have posted, contact with your H has caused you nothing but confusion & pain.
I definitely do not intend for you to go NC to invoke some kind of response from your H, and truly apologize if that is the way it came through in my posts.o
I was in the same boat as you about having those emotions every time I came in contact with my W, so Starsky & Denver suggested to me that I should do NC as a 180 or LRT, to give me time to work on myself & regroup so to speak.
You won't truly have NC, because you have children together. But you can limit the contact tremendously, which will in turn give you time to step back & work on YOU.
Agreed. I know what everyone is suggesting me to do. It me actually doing it for longer than two days. Ive had no contact with him since Monday other than our son. I thought I have done well!! Now Im beginninv to think I am not ...
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
by what you have posted, Starsky, I, & others have recommended that you go NC so that you can work on yourself & your emotions. Because based on the pattern that you have posted, contact with your H has caused you nothing but confusion & pain.
Yes. That is completely appropriate.
~~~~~~
MrsD...
Here's the thing... N/C or not... eventually... you possibly will be like many WAS who... after getting what they want (separation / divorce / a new life)... they begin to miss what they gave up (where you are, now)... and then, they will try to get back with the LBS...
and...
once the effort becomes too tough... too long... the tactics don't work...
they give up and move on... even though there's been connection with the LBS which is positive.
What I'm saying is...
Going N/C is great and working on you is great and...
Once you realize that you are better and your X is simply not a good person...
You will rationalize that you are better than that and you will move on.
I'm not trying to be fatalistic here.
I'm simply pointing out what we often see, regarding WAS who come here.
I'm hoping that you might be... the exception...
I have been trying to go with a "do something different" approach, for you...
See...
It makes little sense to me that... if you are getting the "PEAs" and your X is getting the "PEAs"...
