I definitely respect the social aspect & windows that Facebook and Twitter offer...With it being such a HOT button in the past for me, and me really not wanting to over-analyze anything that is posted there, I think I will refrain for now. Maybe in the future I may open an account, but for some reason there is a burning hole inside of me telling me to stay away from it.
I meant to ask, why was it such a hot button issue for you?
With your W and her use of it??
If so, can you expand on this?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Definitely a HOT button for me due to the use of it from my W! She used it to keep in contact with old BF's, which under the surface bothered me slightly, but not to extremes because they all lived in different parts of country which she never visited.
Until the whammy as I like to call it, sent me over the edge in my over-analyzing brain of mine. When FB first came out, you used to be able to check on the search page of someone's use who they have tried to look-up. Well one day while being the idiotic investigator that I used to be, I decided to check her FB search history. When I checked it, she had searched and tried to find the (2) priors that were mentioned early on in my posts of my sitch. This immediately got under my skin because this was years after we got back together and reconciled. Especially years of what I thought were blissful years back together.
I confronted her on why she would look those particular people up & what would be the purpose? She immediately stated that she was just curious. I kind of accepted that answer, but not before voicing my opinion of how hurtful of an action that was, especially after so many years & how hard it was for me to get over. It most likely was innocent & curiosity, but IMHO was blatant disrespect toward me. So ever since then I have had a burning pit of fire inside over FB and all social networks!!!
To add fuel to this burning pit of fire, I found out that she met the priors via internet social networking chat rooms previous to FB, myspace etc...Of course she never told me this, but never trust a disgruntle sister who is upset with the other and wants to get back at them in some way.
All water under the bridge though! Of course I still have no desire to set-up a FB page because I think FB is the downfall of the world...LOL
Definitely a HOT button for me due to the use of it from my W! She used it to keep in contact with old BF's, which under the surface bothered me slightly, but not to extremes because they all lived in different parts of country which she never visited.
Until the whammy as I like to call it, sent me over the edge in my over-analyzing brain of mine. When FB first came out, you used to be able to check on the search page of someone's use who they have tried to look-up. Well one day while being the idiotic investigator that I used to be, I decided to check her FB search history. When I checked it, she had searched and tried to find the (2) priors that were mentioned early on in my posts of my sitch. This immediately got under my skin because this was years after we got back together and reconciled. Especially years of what I thought were blissful years back together.
I confronted her on why she would look those particular people up & what would be the purpose? She immediately stated that she was just curious. I kind of accepted that answer, but not before voicing my opinion of how hurtful of an action that was, especially after so many years & how hard it was for me to get over. It most likely was innocent & curiosity, but IMHO was blatant disrespect toward me. So ever since then I have had a burning pit of fire inside over FB and all social networks!!!
To add fuel to this burning pit of fire, I found out that she met the priors via internet social networking chat rooms previous to FB, myspace etc...Of course she never told me this, but never trust a disgruntle sister who is upset with the other and wants to get back at them in some way.
All water under the bridge though! Of course I still have no desire to set-up a FB page because I think FB is the downfall of the world...LOL
It was disrespectful for you W to have looked up those OM on FB. It is totally valid for you to feel that way.
There is a part of me that shares your view of FB and other social media. However, it is so prevalent that it is getting almost impossible to be a part of it.
I don't know. There is a part of me that wants to tell you that opening a FB account might be a good 180 for you, and for your W to see from you. Being so uptight about it (which again I don't blame you for) may have been perceived by her as very conservative and somewhat controlling behavior.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I don't know. There is a part of me that wants to tell you that opening a FB account might be a good 180 for you, and for your W to see from you. Being so uptight about it (which again I don't blame you for) may have been perceived by her as very conservative and somewhat controlling behavior.
I totally agree with your feelings of her perceiving me being against FB as controlling behavior! It would be a great 180, and it doesn't really bother me near as much as it used to. But I am not sure I am ready for the leap yet...LoL
Boy would that light a fire in her brain if she saw me open a FB page, after she knows how strongly I felt against it
Someone once said as long as your thoughts are on your H(W) then they aren't on you. And if his(her) thoughts aren't on you then no one in the sitch is thinkging about you....anyway what got to me is that I am worth time and energy and that by detaching I took my focus and energy off him and put it on me and I found that I was giving so much of my time to thinking about him that I was empty inside and I didn't know until devote so much of my energy to myself. I hope that makes sense.
Sorry to highjack Suppo but this is real gold Brit. I've never looked at it this way and I need to make sure someone's thoughts are on me, let's start by the only person I can control, ME. Thanks Brit!!!
Suppo, I'm going through your thread now, will be sure to comment soon.
Cheers!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I have been talking with kids everyday for awhile each day. I feel for them, because they have displayed misery with being with her while I am gone & keep asking me why I had to leave for 2 weeks. They will be ok though, and it will most likely be good for her. She is in school full time, teaching again full time, and has kids with her full time. So she is being very short & angry with them, so that is why I feel for them.
If she used to be the "mother of the year" and now she's as you describe, I have a feeling that this new life of hers isn't all that happy after all.
Originally Posted By: suppo
The kids have taken a huge liking to the new Daddy over the last almost 6 months, and have definitely not enjoyed the current Mommy. I was always a good Father, but now I consider myself as becoming a GREAT Father.
I know the feeling. both you and I have taken on some amazing responsibility here and although women have been juggling between work and parenthood for decades, it's always nice to see a daddy doing it. Someone on this site also mentioned that it was a very attractive trait in a man. To me this is a 180 that I wish I'd done way before (not that I ever was an absentee father but boy, am I having a good time with D8).
Originally Posted By: suppo
If W wants to jump on board and ride with us then I will still be here wanting her to return. But if she is still set with going through with the "D", then for some reason lately It really doesn't bother me. I think I can maintain my own happiness without her. Of course a lot of that has to do with having my kids around me a lot.
They sure are helpful these little ones. D8 constantly reminds me never to give up. A while ago, when she was crying for her mom at bed time, I made her a promise that I would never stop trying to save our family and she's right there for me when she sees I'm struggling.
Originally Posted By: suppo
After reading through and receiving advice from Starsky & Denver, I know that I am definitely in for a Marathon based on how long it took them to start piecing their M back together. Make no mistake though, I truly want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I don't NEED to be with her for the rest of my life.
yeah, I want her but I don't need her. Big difference. I think that when they realize this (because after all of our begging they still think we need them) it makes a difference in the interaction.
Originally Posted By: suppo
I will continue to follow yours, along with a few other in our Freshman class of 2012. I will also continue to pray that all will be well for us & that God reveals his ultimate Will & Path for our lives...Because I sure haven't figured it out yet smile
Funny, a few days ago, I was commenting on Denver's BITS, saying what a great bunch they were and how supportive they always were to one another (and others as well) and I mentioned that it's something we could do but we needed a cool name. Freshman class of 2012 sounds good to me.
Originally Posted By: suppo
You are definitely right about the kids. We have a great time these days, whether it is just being silly around the house or whether it is going out and doing other things. There is a little bit of a void there with W not being involved in the activity, but she knows where I am if she wants to come back and enjoy the newly revived & transformed Suppo!
When ever W is around while D8 and I are playing and having a good time, I can always see some sadness in her eyes, as if she would love to join in but is holding back. Of course this is purely speculative mind-reading but it makes me feel like there is a chance.
Originally Posted By: suppo
Boy would that light a fire in her brain if she saw me open a FB page, after she knows how strongly I felt against it
As Denver says, I'd watch out for the double-edged blade. She might then use it to pi$$ you off when she's angry with you. Someone here (I think it's 9600) once opened his page only to find his W showing a very sexy outfit she'd gotten for an upcoming holiday.
Every so often i have a look at her page. It's funny because W used to spend so much time on it and now, she's not very active anymore(I even wonder if she hasn't started another page but with over 400 "friends", it would be difficult - but possible). One of the things that stands out is that we are still listed as married (not surprising as her family hasn't been informed yet) and although it doesn't mean anything, it's always comforting that at least on FB we are still a couple .
Suppo, it sounds like emotionally, you are already where many of us want to be. It's really all a state of mind and for me, sometimes I know I'm stopping the process because I'm afraid that if i detach enough not to be affected, I might just stop caring. I think Denver struggled with this for a while as well. For now, as much as it hurts, my pain is a constant reminder of what we had/have, but this is also a double-edged blade, unfortunately.
Keep it up mate, and thanks for your support (Ah!!! Suppo is for Support, not for Supplicating - Starsky you, mug!! )
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I am caught up on your thread/sitch. Not sure what I can add that the others haven't already touched on.
You seem to be doing well all things considered.
I'll try to keep up to date on your sitch. In the meantime, keep living your life, continue to be a great dad and keep us updated.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Thank you so much for catching up on my posts! You better believe that I will be here for you and all others that need support. I was always a very caring & supportive guy in the past, and I feel that that side of me is making a come back. It makes me feel really good & I wish I would not have lost that side of me when I went through the down stage internally within myself.
I don't really post as much on my sitch as I do on everyone else's, due to the fact that it is all just circumstances & I don't want to let them affect my PMA, so I don't dwell on them much. Denver told me awhile back that if you harbor those feelings & over-analyze them, that you will tear yourself apart inside. And boy did I tear myself apart for the 1st 5 months. All for stuff that was truly out my control also.
I have a sick & great sense of humor that is coming back as well, so don't be surprised if i throw a couple off-beat comments your way to lighten the mood once in awhile. Because IMO, if we can't laugh about ourselves & our lives then what is left to laugh about?
Thanks for checking in! I know I haven't posted much, but mainly because I have had a good PMA as of late, and also due to the fact that I have been out of town for work the last 2 weeks. So Detaching & NC has been pretty easy, because no reason to really have any conversation with W. Although she has txted me a few times since I have been gone, but nothing that needed response.
I am sure that some more deep hills on the Roller Coaster will pop up at various times along the path, but I will post as they come.
