Hi guys. X and I finally went to court today on the contempt charge for non pymt of alimony. He has caught up as of last week, but I still expected him to pay for my attorney fees. That was the only point of today. I haven't seen him in over a year.
Understand I take no pleasure out of this. In fact, I had tears in my eyes, and do as I type, thinking about the deterioration I saw. He weighs at least 250 lbs. He even has jowls. His nose and cheeks are bright red with broken capillaries. He couldn't even cross his legs. I wanted to shake his new wifey and ask her "Why aren't you taking care of him???" I know that's ridiculous. I know that he is responsible for himself, and that his apparent hate of me is only a reflection of his own guilt and self hatred, but . . .
I won my point. He has 30 days to pay my lawyer's fees. He disclosed that he is due to retire in October, and my half of his retirement should begin within 90 days of his retirement. I can think of no reason we should have to communicate or cross paths.
I just feel so bad for him. I tried my best to take care of him for 20 years. It was sort of Job One with me. It truly breaks my heart. I have no anger, just pain.
That may have been part of my problem all along. I have a Savior complex. I kept trying to fix his problems. In effect, fix him. Wife was dressed up, but he is wearing a shirt I bought him at least 3 years ago, that had no hope of ever matching the button to the button hole ever again. ( T shirt underneath)
Stupid of me to feel so blue, but can't seem to shake it.
