So in the hour since I wrote my last post, I've thought about/realized a few things:

1. Journaling really helps my mental state.

2. Sometimes, I need to really work much harder on keeping a PMA. Its all a matter of perspective... I can just as easily focus on the "negative" things, the "what ifs" and the "why nots". But it takes the exact same amount of effort to focus on the positive things... Even the same thing can be looked at in a different light... rather than focusing on the "woe is me" stuff about W and I's last conversation, the email and the texts, I could just as easily focus on the fact that, at least in some small way, she is still invested in "us"... reaching out to fill me in on her ups and downs, sharing song lyrics and keeping me updated on her "goings on". Does this change the situation at all or my plan of action? No, but it can certainly help me keep a positive mental attitude.

3. It's this exact type of situation that drove W crazy about me... how I'll get overly "emotional" and kinda spin out of control for a while, then a short time later, I'm back in a different mindset... I guess a good 180 to work on is to continue along THIS path instead: Rather than voice these concerns and over-emotional moments to the world at large, I can simply journal them out... share with a group of friends or whatever... then let the details soak in for a bit before reacting.

4. I haven't been to the gym since Sunday, and have over the last two weeks been much too lax about getting up in the morning and hitting the gym before work. I spent about 12 weeks going 5-6 days a week, but over the last couple weeks I'm more in the 2-3 range. I need to get back to the healthy (physically and mentally) routine that I'd followed previously and break out of this "extra hour of sleep" pattern I've developed lately. Can't let all this hard work go to waste! As a matter of fact, I'll be hitting the gym on the way home tonight... That'll help the ol' mental state for sure!

Sorry about the Jekyll and Hyde stuff! smile But it feels nice to vent these blue feelings rather than let them simmer.