Month 3 no movement

[Carnac]

Suppo: Honestly I do agree with you, we have almost 15 years together and if it means that I have to hold out for 15 months to get things worked out I really have zero issues with that. I just hope my wife is as patient as Starsky's and Denvers etc.

Mine seems to want things finished, or at least the last I heard she did and we're still really early in this process I know but we're at an almost standstill as far as communication goes. There have been a few baby steps and no reason for her to back away at all, but I still get the pull back pretty hard for a few days after any interaction.

But your right....im ready, willing and able to stand for mine b/c its truly what I believe in and b/c I really do believe that we've never made a good effort at fixing this so why throw it away and have to start new when we may be able to salvage this one.

[Mrs D]

Suppo: Honestly I do agree with you, we have almost 15 years together and if it means that I have to hold out for 15 months to get things worked out I really have zero issues with that. I just hope my wife is as patient as Starsky's and Denvers etc.

Mine seems to want things finished, or at least the last I heard she did and we're still really early in this process I know but we're at an almost standstill as far as communication goes. There have been a few baby steps and no reason for her to back away at all, but I still get the pull back pretty hard for a few days after any interaction.

But your right....im ready, willing and able to stand for mine b/c its truly what I believe in and b/c I really do believe that we've never made a good effort at fixing this so why throw it away and have to start new when we may be able to salvage this one.

Im there with you guys even though my marriage is over. But I will continue to wait and work till it hopefully comes together in the end.

[Arsene]

and this is the post of the day that brings a smile to my face. Thank you Arsene!

You're welcome MrsD

I look at how long some of these LBS's had to go through their sitch (Starsky, Denver, Etc.), and I can say that by their outlook, attitude, and changes...Then it is all worth it! I have over 16 years invested with my W, and I am in it for the long haul...Cause in the end, I would go through this (1 month per year of M per MWD DR book) to have another amazing 50 years with my W.

I have Faith & Hope for all of us! We just have to keep fighting the good fight, all while growing & bettering ourselves in the process.

On 3 Go...Freshman, Freshman, Freshman!!

That doesn't sound so bad. W and I have only been together 10 years - that would make it another 7 months to go - I can hope but I won't be holding my breath on that one .

I'm all for fighting the good fight and bettering myself though.

Mine seems to want things finished, or at least the last I heard she did and we're still really early in this process I know but we're at an almost standstill as far as communication goes. There have been a few baby steps and no reason for her to back away at all, but I still get the pull back pretty hard for a few days after any interaction.

But your right....im ready, willing and able to stand for mine b/c its truly what I believe in and b/c I really do believe that we've never made a good effort at fixing this so why throw it away and have to start new when we may be able to salvage this one.

Yeah Carnac, I feel the same way about my sitch, especially with the OM involved but as you said, Denver and Starsky have managed to see their way through similar situations and it looks good for them both right now.

I'm ready to give it all I've got and then I'll find some more to give.

Im there with you guys even though my marriage is over. But I will continue to wait and work till it hopefully comes together in the end.

That may be true MrsD but you've done some great work lately and we've seen a major turn around in your sitch. Stay the course girl!

Carnac, Re: Your garage. The way I see it, it's still your house and as you said, either way the garage needs to be painted. I'd see if I can get the boys involved to make this kind of a family effort. Who knows, W might just decide to join in.

[suppo]

Carnac,

Sometimes it seems like things are rushing forward due to their actions or the circumstances at the present moment. I think that somewhere inside like Denver said awhile back; that they feel they will lose their nerve if they don't pursue things in a rapid manner. But that is mainly because they are not thinking straight.

Starsky had stated in an old post to me, that you never know what is going on in the Wayward little head of theirs. I am not trying to quote the heck out of our Veteran mentors on here, but I think that a lot of it makes sense. I have made decisions a lot in life rather quickly without truly thinking things through & the ramifications involved in that decision. Sometimes it worked & sometimes I crashed and burned like Maverick did in Top Gun!

Communication stand still is not necessarily a bad thing!! It is better than taking a huge leap backwards & it may also be giving her more time to think about things.

To give you an example: Unfortunately my Sister is going through the same thing right now with her H, and to avoid all of the details; they both rushed out & lawyer-ed up to get it over with vindictively before they lost their nerve. Funny thing is, they started this process 18 months ago. Neither of them have pushed their lawyers to move forward, and even though they have a few ups & downs still; they communicate better now than when they were M for the last 14 years.

Not necessarily the greatest example, but it does show you that God's plan doesn't necessarily have a timeline that we can gauge.

I know that I don't know you personally, but for some reason my gut is telling me that you and your W will make it. This may entail an actual D in the process, but as my IC states: If she had a nickel for every couple she has seen that gets remarried to each other again, she would be rich & retire

[suppo]

I'm there with you guys even though my marriage is over. But I will continue to wait and work till it hopefully comes together in the end.

Mrs D,

Just because the World's legal system says your M is over, doesn't mean that it is actually over! People reconcile everyday after they D. Like I said to Carnac, my IC has seen it time and time again since she started private practice, and that has only been about 14 years.

There is always hope in reconciling! To give you an example: God has led (2) friends into my path since my sitch broke out that both went through the same thing with WAW's. Both went through the Big D, and both couples are back together after their big D. Although neither couple is remarried yet, they get along better now than they ever have before & rather than rush into remarrying, they take it one day at a time & communicate with each other, the way it was intended at the first go around.

Hang in there Kiddo! There is always HOPE. That and the fact that God really does work in mysterious ways that we cannot see. Maybe you both have some more "ME" work to do on yourselves, but idk!

[suppo]

Arsene,

Timelines are a tough thing to gauge, and I wish I could wave a magic wand for all of us to just reconcile now. But there are obviously some things that still need to be worked out that we can't explain before that happens.

I have seen a huge growth in you since you first started posting on here. I have read for awhile before I ever registered and know that the force is strong with you!

Maybe we should change our group name to "The Jedi"

Hang in there my Brothers and Sisters!! We will persevere & we will have our true loves back for a new R, that shadows the old R with them 10 times over.

[RegretfulLA]

My friend's parents were in the midst of a D for two years... the W was mean, the H was awful... terrible sitch.

Today my friend told me they are still getting a D, to separate their finances, and are selling their house, but they are getting back together (dating) and renting a new, smaller place together. And now that the finances are separate, the W doesn't have to stress as much...

It happens. Gave me a lot of hope.

[Carnac]

suppo: What an inspiration you are this morning, thanks for that it not only gave me a smile, but lifted my spirits pretty good. When things seem unbelievably bleak that when we have to rely on God to carry us. It is why I said before that 'if' she does file im going to drag my feet as much as possible, and in my state that means I can stretch it out 18 months from seperation simply by fighting the grounds for divorce. Since there are no, no fault divorces here she'd have to file on general indignities or such since she couldnt file on infidelity or abuse, and the lawyer I spoke with said its virtually impossible to prove grounds in court so we stay seperated and wait out the 18 months.

Im still hopeful she won't file b/c it seems like it will be harder to come back from that, but im with you on the impulsive thing....if she gets a wild hair and files i'll just move forward as planned and continue the journey. I think I get a little more confident each day, and its awesome b/c for 5 of the last 6 nights my S11 has been staying with me and he talks like he wants to stay there all the time. Part of the reason is he doesn't have to get up so early to get ready for school when he stays with me, but I think its also b/c he and I are alike in that we're always on the go and have somewhere to be. We go to jr. high and high school football games and such anytime we have a free evening and her free evenings are spend sitting at home so he'd rather run with me than sit with her most of the time.

But no matter what the reasons are I think shes getting a real taste of what life may be like if she doesn't decide to at least try to work on this thing soon, she's going to have to face that one son is nearly grown and the other may be gone alot more than she thought because he wants to live with me.

Thanks again suppo, you kind of made my morning with all your positive thoughts. Your exactly right....we WILL improve ourselves and everything else will work out after that. God's perfect timing not ours.

[Carnac]

Regret: Isnt it amazing the things you think when your young, and then as you get older you understand that you really didnt have any idea what you were talking about back then. If you had told me 20 years ago that I would ever have a wife cheat on me then I would have told you that I wouldnt have a wife anymore b/c i'd get rid of her so fast it would make her head spin....well 6 years ago it happened and we're still married. I bring that up because my brother and his wife were divorced and then remarried when I was much younger and I thought that was the craziest thing I hd ever heard of. If your married, and then things get so bad that you have to get a divorce, what in the heck are you doing marrying that person again.

Im hopeful i'll never eat those words, but I understand it much more now. If I thought that divorce would bring us back together i'd be the one filing as quickly as possible so we could get started on the get back together part. I guess I dont have a point except that I can look back and see for myself how dumb I used to be, and also think that its a reason often times to ignore friends even when they think their giving you great advice....not on here mind you, but I have friends who already think I should just be done with this whole thing and get a divorce, even though we've only been apart 11 weeks. They simply don't understand b/c they've never been there.

Hope everyone has had a good Wednesday...

[Mrs D]

I know that I don't know you personally, but for some reason my gut is telling me that you and your W will make it. This may entail an actual D in the process, but as my IC states: If she had a nickel for every couple she has seen that gets remarried to each other again, she would be rich & retire

I agree with Sup Carnac - I think you guys will prevail in the end. And BTW Sup - thanks for the ending of the quote. Gives all more hope in the end. Specially me!!!