More patience??? Really???

[ces67]

Thanks for the encouragement Zig!

the way i think it works is that you are planting the seed of her seeing herself in that light and it sets off the process within her to reach for that herself.

I think that seed is growing some now with small sprigs of green showing above the surface.

W has been quiet and a bit distant since the incident a few nights ago. Not unpleasant, but it seems her interactions feel a bit forced. I'd say she is trying to put on a better face for the kids and find a better routine, but its not easy for her.

Some journal stuff:
The money topic is at a point that it cannot be ignored. Based upon unplanned spending, I will absolutely need her help in the near future to deal with some bills.

W finally got the paycheck she'd been waiting on. She was initially upset about me putting the funds in my account, but that's where the bills get paid from. As soon as the bank released the hold on the funds (standard bank procedure) I transferred it all but a small amount into her account. I needed to fill my car or it would have been all of it.

We had already discussed some needs for the money but in half a day, over half of the amount was spent by W or taken out of the bank as a cash withdrawal. I didn't say anything specific about it, but last night just restated some of the things we needed to take care of and how much we'd need to handle the items (very casual as in "here's what we need to take care of today"). W wouldn't look at me but stated she'd spent some on supplies she needed for tutoring and taken some cash out but could put the cash back in if needed.

Today after seeing more items clear that had not been discussed I called her and said we needed to go over the bills coming up because I realized that I would not have enough to cover everything and handle normal groceries as usual.

W agreed to go over things tonight and spoke about what paychecks she was still expecting. Then she also told me that her work with her friend (also the W of the former OM of the EA) would be coming to an end. She said it had felt "weird for a few weeks and that her friend had asked my W to send back a portion of the stuff she was working on. It seems they no longer have the money to pay W for her work. W said she kind of expected it and wasn't upset about it. She also said it was just a job and not really a fun career thing. I validated and told her she was capable of far more than what she was doing.

W also said there were a couple local jobs she woudl be applying to. One at the library and the other at a women's clothing store where she loves to shop. W's big concern is having to spend time away from the kids. We have been very fortunate to have my W at home since our first was born almost 14 years ago. It was a life preference for both of us. My W sees taking a job outside the home as not being the mom she wants to be. She made some comment about not being a very good mom.

At this point I told her that she was actually a very good mom and the kids really enjoyed her. I pointed out that even though the kids were at an age where they are pulling away a bit, they love being at the house and having their friends over to our place rather than going other places. I said she is a big reason for this because the kids like being around her and like the environment she creates that makes our home welcoming to their friends.

Then W thanked me for saying that and said she really needed to hear this right now (once in a blue moon I say the right thing at the right time...).

The conversation went on a bit about how W would enjoy either job. She has always loved children's literature and she is incredibly organized. She would do very well at a library. We also spoke about some other work options she's looking into and we agreed to go over the bills tonight after the kids are in bed.

I had to get off the phone for a meeting and she was on her way to volunteer up at D10's school. She txt me later about the holiday weekend and planning a family thing for Monday. I responded with maybe doing a day trip somewhere just to get out and about.

Oh and another comment W made about not working for her friend anymore. She said she was actually Ok with it and "at peace" about it and its may be good timing as things are different now. She mentioned how we are working on our M and how she really was not using her talents with the job she had with her friend.

I just had an odd memory... I can remember when W and I were first dating, I use to joke about being a good match because our walking strides were the same and we kept pace together very naturally. This was over 20 years ago. After typing through this it feels like after a long time of walking at different paces (and directions?) that our steps may starting to get back into sync just a bit.