Now separated. Am I doing the right things? Pt 2

[Accuray]

I'm sorry to hear that the second job didn't work out. As I understand it Rough you've got a bunch of debt and are struggling to keep your house -- is that right? If so, you might see if you can work two jobs for a while until you dig yourself out a bit. I understand it's a huge sacrifice in terms of quality of life, but it can be temporary, just until you're paid up and have finances under control. As long as they are out of control, you'll be in limbo with your wife.

I see no problem with letting W borrow money -- she's borrowing it, you're not giving it to her, and you plan to deduct it at the end of the month. It only becomes a problem if she never pays it back, but in this case she has no choice.

Here's the thing about your core principles and your boundaries -- don't go running out of the chute on that today. That takes some careful consideration and deliberation, because when you decide what they are, they will be non-negotiable. Write down what you think they are, then think about it for a week, then revise them. When they look good to you, start living them. If you enforce them on W when you're not living them yourself, that's hypocritical.

Per Labug's point, I would have a stock response on requests that you consider to be frivolous spending. You told her you bought yourself a phone and she lit you up, now she's asking you to buy a videogame for S -- which way does she want it? Is frivolous spending okay or not? How do you feel about it? You probably need *some* room in your budget for entertainment and for the kids, but it should be a set amount each month and when it's gone it's gone.

"W, I understand that S wants the game. I'm working very hard on straightening out my financial situation. That requires that I be more disciplined in terms of how I spend money. I plan to work with a financial advisor to make a budget that I can live by and that will help me to get out of debt. I'll try to make allowance in that budget for some level of spending on entertainment. It's very important to me to get out of debt and to be financially stable. Until I get there, I'll have to make some sacrifices, including not always being able to buy what I or the kids want when they want it. I hope you understand, and I mean for this to be temporary until I'm on better footing."

Obviously, don't say that unless you really do intend to work with a financial advisor on a budget that you plan to stick to.

--Accuray