I've been going through the natural changes that come from the bomb being dropped (lose of weight) and it is good to see the better looking me. I have also changed my diet and started keeping fit (to look good (yes admittedly to try and impress my wife) but also with the knowledge it's good for myself but also good for my brain chemicals to avoid getting too low).
My perspective on the marriage is its all over totally. Too much has happened and she's now set in her ways with the sitch. GAL is my aim. It's strange though because from the outside everyone wants my life and freedom I have with my job as a composer/self employed musician. I have no desk to sit behind and I travel with my job and meet new people all the time. I really am greatful how lucky I am with my job.
The five languages of love I have read and I see where my needs were different from hers but I know her so well I knew this. It's the death of her father and her not dealing with it and dealing with it by drinking that's caused this. I do believe this wouldn't have happened if her dad didn't die. But he did and we can't change the past just work on the future.
I feel I should add I am a recovering drug addict clean for 19 years so I do know myself and am good with people thanks to the 12 step program.
She got lost in the *fog* due to her dads death and never came out and when she did decided to turn her life upside down. She was on anti depressants also within 4 weeks of her dad dying so I think that's clouded everything. She's also a very stubborn woman.
I know the solutions for me. 1- let go. 2- GAL. 3- move on.
But in saying that am finding it hard. I don't want to miss a chance to be there and fix this (even though I know it takes 2). I want to give up the hope I have as that keeps me in pain. I do forgive her for the infidelity. I don't forgive her for defending it still to this day by use of spicific dates to make it look better. I am at the LRT stage I think.
It's impossible to know what's really going on in her head. Am tryin to use my intuition to figure her out but I don't think I can get the real story because am too closely involved.
What do yous think? Is she a WAW? Is she ill? Is she going to realise someday I was the one that got away (more like tossed away). I know it's wrong but there is comfort in that for me. The divorce papers will break it all down to one simple sentence "they couldn't get along". That's such an injustice for me. It belittles how much I did and do love her and the fight I've put in and effort right through out our marriage. (I will admit more effort recently).
What's the chances of her coming back one day. Does it seem all lost from the members experiences?
Kevin.
Me-38W-28. M-2 1/2. Together-7 years OM-14/4/12 Told M in trouble-17/4/12 BD-5/6/12 S-5/6/12 ProofOM-17/06/12 Start to change me-31/08/12 EA+PA-14/04/12-now
