As it turns out, it's based on the same thing by Steve Harvety. Think like a man, act like a lady.
Guess what? I do this!Reading his book really boosted my self confidence along with all the support and frienship at work from ladies that have had been married 1- 2 time before.
Well guess the "inner bitch" in me feels I must "tooteth" my own horn.
I see the difference in acting with self confidence and commanding respect rather then throwing out demands and being insulting. A woman can command respect all the while still be kind and caring, not being a door mat.
I've been showing him I can hold my own without him for a long time now, especially a month ago when he tried to interfere with things. When I showed him that, he backed off and is giving me the silent treatment for a month now.
That's why I think this is so sick and twisted. It feels like he gets off on trying to control me, even though I fight back, and yet it's ok for her to control him... I mean being nasty controlling.
As it turns out, it's based on the same thing by Steve Harvety. Think like a man, act like a lady.
Guess what? I do this!Reading his book really boosted my self confidence along with all the support and frienship at work from ladies that have had been married 1- 2 time before.
Well guess the "inner bitch" in me feels I must "tooteth" my own horn.
I see the difference in acting with self confidence and commanding respect rather then throwing out demands and being insulting. A woman can command respect all the while still be kind and caring, not being a door mat.
I've been showing him I can hold my own without him for a long time now, especially a month ago when he tried to interfere with things. When I showed him that, he backed off and is giving me the silent treatment for a month now.
That's why I think this is so sick and twisted. It feels like he gets off on trying to control me, even though I fight back, and yet it's ok for her to control him... I mean being nasty controlling.
Ok! Whatever!
Keep in mind, "getting off on controlling" is not a male only trait. Females do it too.
In a relationship, we do want some level of reasonable control. IE: you're going to treat me well or hit the road. Another is there are some sensativities of mine, and you will not make me more vulnerable to be with you.
But to force someone down a path, to use others to patrol and control, to use "mental beatdowns", to lower your esteem so they can feel better about themself, to use sex as a form of control, etc. Should not be tolerated, but in this day and age it's very normal!
Hey K. Reading your posts, I'm reminded of an old saying, "This too shall pass."
Quote:
I don't get this at all. He literally licks the dirt off her boots, yet if I do anything out of line, he spews at me like no other!
Sometimes, people who have a lot of self-loathing look for "punishment" of sorts. Don't confuse that with your new found, treat 'em bad and they'll flock all over me book. That's fleeting at best.
Many relationships are about control at some level or another. What is described there is more of an unhealthy relationship. I personally think it would be a real shame if you came out of this and got into a bad relationship even if you were the agressor.
A while back (years now) a friend of mine and I were in bar. A pretty group of ladies came up to the bar and my buddy looks over and says, "hey, I know them. That's that group of hard-eyed women." Know what? He was right. I overheard their conversation and it wasn't pretty. Look 'em in the eyes, and they were BITTER, unhappy women. They had no trouble being hit on by guys though they clearly were more interested in abusing them. It was very evident. Watched that train-wreck for a few minutes and learned a very valuable lesson in what to avoid.
Do you want an unhealthy relationship? What does a healthy relationship look like to you? Before you answer, consider it is possible to be in a room full of people and be lonely. To be missing something in your life.
Just some thoughts to consider.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Im kinda thinking I gave the wrong impression here.
Have any of you read excerpts from Why Men Love Bitches or Act like A Lady, Think Like A Man?
When I read the excerpts from the first book, then compared it to the one by Steve Harvey I saw alot of similarities in the overall theme of the book.
Quite Frankly I think Why Women Love Bitches was WAY TOO HARSH of a Title. The title makes it sound as if women just treat men like crap they'll get everyone they want.
What bothered me about it, is that the main idea I got was for a woman to command respect vs demand respect has everything to do with how she carries herself and interacts with people. You can be dignified, or you can go Gerry Springer on everyone and look like a monster. The latter is disgusting in my opinion.
For example: It's my goal to develop a better relationship with God and to study the word, and really learn about Jesus and to really look at how he was. How can I enrich my life by studying the teachings of Christ and apply it to myself.
For me, it would be very important that a potential mate be accepting of that part of me. Not to mock me, or make fun of, or want to run the other direction when I want quiet time to pray, or read on lessons.
If I were to find someone that did that, I have two choices. I can argue with them, tell them they are wrong, try to get them to see things my way, shove it down their throats and get mad.
OR I can simply be upfront and honest and tell this person that my faith and relationship with God, and how it can help my life and how I can help others by learning the lessons from Christ is very important to me. So important that if my beliefs are causing this person to be so uncomfortable that they feel the need to mock and make fun of, compared to accept and acknowledge this is very important to me then there really is no reason to carry on this relationship.
Now, does this make me a bitch for saying this?
Or does it make it clear to the other person that this is important to me, and it's my desire for my mate to respect and accept this about me? Therefore if this is going to be an issue, then we may as well clean the slate right now before it DOES become an issue?
This example is how I am as a person. This is how I handle the majority of any issues that come my way.
And this is how I interpreted the books, which was learning to assert yourself in an assertive way without acting rude, inconsiderate, demanding and insulting.
Hey K. Reading your posts, I'm reminded of an old saying, "This too shall pass."
Quote:
I don't get this at all. He literally licks the dirt off her boots, yet if I do anything out of line, he spews at me like no other!
Sometimes, people who have a lot of self-loathing look for "punishment" of sorts. Don't confuse that with your new found, treat 'em bad and they'll flock all over me book. That's fleeting at best.
Many relationships are about control at some level or another. What is described there is more of an unhealthy relationship. I personally think it would be a real shame if you came out of this and got into a bad relationship even if you were the agressor.
A while back (years now) a friend of mine and I were in bar. A pretty group of ladies came up to the bar and my buddy looks over and says, "hey, I know them. That's that group of hard-eyed women." Know what? He was right. I overheard their conversation and it wasn't pretty. Look 'em in the eyes, and they were BITTER, unhappy women. They had no trouble being hit on by guys though they clearly were more interested in abusing them. It was very evident. Watched that train-wreck for a few minutes and learned a very valuable lesson in what to avoid.
Do you want an unhealthy relationship? What does a healthy relationship look like to you? Before you answer, consider it is possible to be in a room full of people and be lonely. To be missing something in your life.
Just some thoughts to consider.
AJ
AJ,
Your right. The eyes say so much. Many of people fell for it, and never faced the fact of why it looks like that in the first place.
And to answer your question about what a healthy relationship is to me....
When I say relationship, I base this on any relationship, not just a romantic or intimate relationship.
In my opinion......
A healthy relationship isn't all about super duper compatability 100% and being like cookie cutter images inside and out of another person.
Healthy relationships need to consist of both parties accepting one another as they are, even if some things are different.
Healthy relationships need to consist of both people being able to listen to one another , but HEAR what the other is really saying.
Healthy relationships consist of striving to see the other's point of view but having enough maturity to accept the points of view may be different, and the assertiveness to work with the other to compromise or problem solve if the differences are somewhat of an issue.
A healthy relationship is doing something for the other, just because you wanted to do something because you care about that person, and not expect anything in return. No hidden agendas.
Honestly in my opinion as long as their is good communication between two people, and that the other person's opinion and feelings matter to the other (IN A HEALTHY NON CO DEPENDENT WAY)...and that two people have the tools and skills to navigate issues that arise and communicate it to one another, that's the basis for any good relationship.
If you have that and stay true to it, I can't see anything but positive things growing from that basis.
And to answer your question about what a healthy relationship is to me....
When I say relationship, I base this on any relationship, not just a romantic or intimate relationship.
In my opinion......
A healthy relationship isn't all about super duper compatability 100% and being like cookie cutter images inside and out of another person.
Healthy relationships need to consist of both parties accepting one another as they are, even if some things are different.
Healthy relationships need to consist of both people being able to listen to one another , but HEAR what the other is really saying.
Healthy relationships consist of striving to see the other's point of view but having enough maturity to accept the points of view may be different, and the assertiveness to work with the other to compromise or problem solve if the differences are somewhat of an issue.
A healthy relationship is doing something for the other, just because you wanted to do something because you care about that person, and not expect anything in return. No hidden agendas.
Honestly in my opinion as long as their is good communication between two people, and that the other person's opinion and feelings matter to the other (IN A HEALTHY NON CO DEPENDENT WAY)...and that two people have the tools and skills to navigate issues that arise and communicate it to one another, that's the basis for any good relationship.
If you have that and stay true to it, I can't see anything but positive things growing from that basis.
Can you accept that the other party does not or will not see your point of view? That maybe they really don't care and don't want to hear it? That maybe they have digressed to a place where they could care less what you think?
Something Im curious about...and pondering out loud, for I find this interesting, yet it annoys the hell out of me.
Xh has the same days off 90% of the time.
Sometimes they slightly differ.
This is me just complaining here, but WHY OH WHY does he still continue to text me his days off when they never change?
When I don't repsond back unless I have info about the kids he needs to know?
And then when I do give him that info, he doesn't respond to me?
Why does he start sending texts to all 3 of us at the same time?I get the schedule, and the girls get just "hi". Or Random things like he rode his bike to work, or the weather report. Or he found a shoplifter at work.
must be some sort of compartmentalization. I just find it very annoying that he insists on giving me his schedule when it almost never changes, yet when I inform him of things with the girls he refuses to respond. I've responded several times with an "ok thanks" to his texts, but nothing, so I stopped. I just find it very rude to not acknowledge you're being spoken too.
Im sure it's just his way of punishing me for standing me ground and disagreeing with him, yet he's so self absorbed he can't stop from informing me of his schedule.
Kimmerz, Actually it's not punishment...it's something familiar and he does it out of habit. Also, it's his way of keeping the coummunication line going w/you....it's the last string to the apron that you are wearing of his past. Yes, it's very rude when he doesn't respond back, so I wouldn't send him any texts unless it is an absolute emergency or the children's time w/him changes. If he is texting the children, they can tell him what they are doing w/their lives for now.
It's all part of the mlc world...don't put another thought into it because it's crazymaking.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Interesting Snodderly...and just how long do they keep yanking on this string? Do they ever just cut it off?
I just find it completely insane that he insists on telling me his schedule, yet refuses to speak to me otherwise.
Once again, it's me trying to make rational out of irrational. Logical out of illogical.
Snodderly, can you recommend any reading material that can explain their need to keep this connection in a little more detail? A little more nutts and bolts if you will?
