Stay NC and enjoy your session. Go in there and unload on your IC. You have to get your money's worth, otherwise why go IMHO...LoL
Sup - its funny because when I go in there, he will ask how my week was. And I have for the past couple weeks told him he was going to kick my butt. (because he wants me to NC as well) He did say that I have been doing "better" than what I was in the beginning, but......
I love to learn more about my past, and how it connects to the crap that Ive put my H in. When I learn, I make changes and make myself a better person. My Mom put us kids through alot of stuff when we were small. I have never forgiven her, and I am working on that process now. I am also working on the process of forgiving myself. And not feel so shamed. As Carnac told me last week - I just have to do it. Sometimes I think Im almost to that point, but then I think of the hurt and shame that I placed on my hubs, and I go back to not feeling so good about it all. Ill get there when Im stronger. And I feel like Im getting there daily.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
I havent spoke to him all day!!! Of course Im going to think about him all the time. I love the man!! Really? You dont think Im getting any better???
I think contact sends you spinning, MrsD. That's not a criticism -- just an observation -- but it's the reason why I tried to encourage you to let him go completely (even though you wouldn't be letting him go, and still holding on to your hope, which is FINE). I just don't think you're to the place, emotionally, where you can pull it off yet.
I would like to read more posts about YOU, and what YOU are doing to move on with your life. All I hear about is ex-husband, ex-husband, ex-husband.
Are you familiar with the Stockdale Paradox? It is the best framework I've seen for doing this whole "hope" vs. "brutal reality" balancing act that needs to be done. You might want to Google it.
Oh the tangled web we weave onto ourselves! Right there with you Sister on the Mommy issues. Working on same things with my IC. So far, so good! I have noticed drastic improvements in myself over the course of the last 6 months. If only I could've resolved these things with an IC a long time ago. But you know how pride gets in the way of realizing you have issues with yourself...LoL
You definitely have to FORGIVE yourself first, then work on Forgiving others. After you Forgive yourself and realize that you are Human & that GOD made us all as falible creatures, then you will be just fine!
Repeat after me:
I am a GOOD person! I made mistakes in my R, and accept full responsibility for those mistakes! I will continue to Stand for the healing of my M, and trust in the Lord for the outcome! For I am a good person!
I think contact sends you spinning, MrsD. That's not a criticism -- just an observation -- but it's the reason why I tried to encourage you to let him go completely (even though you wouldn't be letting him go, and still holding on to your hope, which is FINE). I just don't think you're to the place, emotionally, where you can pull it off yet.
I would like to read more posts about YOU, and what YOU are doing to move on with your life. All I hear about is ex-husband, ex-husband, ex-husband.
Are you familiar with the Stockdale Paradox? It is the best framework I've seen for doing this whole "hope" vs. "brutal reality" balancing act that needs to be done. You might want to Google it.
Starsky [/quote]
You are right Starksy. It does send me spinning because I do miss him so much. I do sit and over think everything. I fear letting him go because it seems that its what I had done while we were in a relationship. I didnt make him my number one. Something in my mind tells me if I act as if I dont really care what hes doing, Ill lose him further. Im afraid of not letting him know what I am doing when Im doing stuff because thats what I had done before. I just want to do whats right, you know?
Googling stockdale paradox now.. thank you.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Oh the tangled web we weave onto ourselves! Right there with you Sister on the Mommy issues. Working on same things with my IC. So far, so good! I have noticed drastic improvements in myself over the course of the last 6 months. If only I could've resolved these things with an IC a long time ago. But you know how pride gets in the way of realizing you have issues with yourself...LoL
You definitely have to FORGIVE yourself first, then work on Forgiving others. After you Forgive yourself and realize that you are Human & that GOD made us all as falible creatures, then you will be just fine!
Repeat after me:
I am a GOOD person! I made mistakes in my R, and accept full responsibility for those mistakes! I will continue to Stand for the healing of my M, and trust in the Lord for the outcome! For I am a good person!
God Speed Mrs D!!!
Happy Hump Day!
Thanks Sup - you brought tears to my eyes. Im trying to believe I am a good person. I really am.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Are you familiar with the Stockdale Paradox? It is the best framework I've seen for doing this whole "hope" vs. "brutal reality" balancing act that needs to be done. You might want to Google it.
Starsky
I like this! I have kind of been doing this now for awhile when Starsky & Denver gave me some insight & a dose of reality in posting to my Sitch! I never realized that it actually had a label like this. Thanks Starsky! I too have been trying to find a good balance with this as well. Keeping Faith, yet Embracing Reality at the same time.
I fear letting him go because it seems that its what I had done while we were in a relationship. I didnt make him my number one. Something in my mind tells me if I act as if I dont really care what hes doing, Ill lose him further. Im afraid of not letting him know what I am doing when Im doing stuff because thats what I had done before. I just want to do whats right, you know?
Clinging, suffocating fear is NOT attractive to a man. I can assure you. A strong, confident woman who WANTS me -- if I ever find myself available again -- but doesn't NEED me . . . is very sexy and attractive.
Most men don't dig "needy." (and nearly ALL women don't).
I like this! I have kind of been doing this now for awhile when Starsky & Denver gave me some insight & a dose of reality in posting to my Sitch! I never realized that it actually had a label like this. Thanks Starsky! I too have been trying to find a good balance with this as well. Keeping Faith, yet Embracing Reality at the same time.
Bravo Zulu as usual to you Starsky!
The two best mindsets I've seen to successfully DB are "The Stockdale Paradox" and the "You're already dead" scene from the movie Band of Brothers (do a search for it on YouTube; we're not allowed to post links here).
MrsD: I think it would be awesome if you waited to see if he embraced you, and even if he does embrace you, hold off on the peck on the neck. Your always talking about what if thats what brings him back, but what has been said here over and over? Its to continue to do whats working, and stop doing something if its not working, so while your right it MAY be what brings him back, it hasn't thus far, so what if the opposite is true, what if NOT doing it is what brings him back?
And im with Starsky, you gotta focus on YOU more. I know you love him, im desperately in love with my wife as well, but I have been able to at least somewhat picture what life would be like without her these 2 weeks. Before that I can honestly tell you that I just walked around kind of in a daze, but there have been lots of events lately that I had to be at and I just took my son with me and we had a great time at nearly all of them. Undoubtedly its a little awkward at times especially since 90% of the people there are with their spouses, but its only as awkward as you allow it to be and i've just moved forward like it was completely normal and haven't worried at all about what someone was thinking.
