Making it work, for me

[sweetbabyred]

Here's the link to my first thread.

Any chance to make it work?

I take a few days off posting and come back to find my thread locked.

For the time being, I've decided to keep standing for my marriage. I've read about so many long term posters that continued to DB and were successful. I'm stubborn and don't want to give up, so for right now, I will continue my efforts.

H is very confused right now and it's sad to see. I finally talked to him, briefly last night, and found out that he'd gotten so drunk on Sunday that he got a tattoo. He'd always talked about getting one with his son's birthday, but he's absolutely terrified of needles.

Before I knew that about him, he met up with me when I got my last tattoo, six and a half years ago. He kept walking outside to take work calls, which I later realized was just him needing to get away before he passed out.

So he finally did it, and I wasn't with him. So he now has a permanent reminder of his actions, on his arm. I know another poster here had the same sitch with her H, so I tried not to take it too personally.

Today, he finally dropped off the check for July's bills and we ended up ML. It was my choice, because I want some part of him to remember what we used to have, although he instigated. Afterwards, he said that we really shouldn't be doing that, which he's said over the past year or so, so nothing new.

After he left, I tm'd him and said it was his life, so he made the rules, so he could decide if he wanted to do that or not. I told him that if it made him uncomfortable, he could just send me a check for the rest of the bills and not have to see me.

H responded that it wasn't that he didn't want to see me, just that it made him sad because we were on two different paths now.

I just said that he was choosing his path and that I hoped he would figure out what made him happy while he was on it.

I'm happy with my path now. I have classes starting tomorrow, signed up with a friend for a mud run in November (I'm not a runner and hate to get dirty, so this is a huge 180!), and interviewed today for a great part time job right by my house mon-thurs. It would pay my bills, and give me weekends to work more events or just spend with friends.

So no more telling him to file. If he does, then he does and in 60 or so days we'll be D, but I'm going to be silent about it for now. My biggest concern was having to file taxes together this year because he's made some potentially costly moves, but in the long run, if we can make this work, money isn't a big deal.

Also, I attended a Divorcecare meeting last night for the first time. A little too religious for me, but it'll get me out of the house one night a week and that's good for me. Whether or not we D, I'm going through all the same emotions, so it can't hurt to be around other (in-person) people going through the same sitch.