That's right on the nose! I've realized that I can't expect him to forgive (or trust) me if I haven't forgiven myself.
I am and will continue to work on my issues. It's all I can do, all I can control. I will be ready for whatever the future may hold. He will make his own choices and decide what is best for him.
I asked him today to no longer mention OW - too hurtful for me to hear, over and over again, that he still wants "to see where things go with her". Makes me feel like OW and his backup plan...he agreed. I could tell it was difficult during our conversation to leave "her" out of it, but he managed.
And I also asked if he can see any good in a future together, because he only talks about the negative "scenarios". And he admitted that he can...
I wish I could erase his memory of all the horrible things I said, especially those when I was trying to leave...I can tell they still hurt him!
