Your h was throwing a tantrum yesterday about the dogs and when he saw your son stepping up to the plate to watch them, notice how he opted to go along too? He's mad at the world, but most importantly, he's mad at himself and doesn't understand why he's doing the things he's doing.
I think that's a really important aspect of people in general and perhaps especially with MLC...
When someone is struggling with their own issues... having a good role model...
in this case, your son's responsibility and behaviour being a great role model for your H to step up and meet... it's really important for those who are "lost" or "struggling" in their own direction, path, growth...
We could say that if it weren't for your son, your H would not have been responsible or supportive of you going out and GALing, Wendy...
Or... we could suggest the only reason why your H did get involved in a positive way was to prove that he was a good person...
Let's not take away what he did that was positive... and layer it in some sort of negative light...
Your H is lost... as are most MLCers... and they are seeking role models who possibly aren't as well developed as the MLCer is, themselves... and so they follow those self destructive paths of others... or just have no direction and are franticly drowning in the shallow end of the pool...
And perhaps... if they are surrounded by positive role models, they too will step up and behave in positive ways...
hey hi- i'm reading your posts with alot of interest. congrats on the compliments on your creations.
the lantern sounds great - makes me watn to go make something. today i'd really like to figure out and make a big wooden "weather vane" of sorts. freestanding
i've done craft shows (even put on on for many years) and IT IS a huge and rewarding element of our lives - isn't it? being creative? since my own particular nuclear bomb dropped on my life/head - i've spent last two years going thru the motions and my creative energy has been at the lowest ebb in my life.
i think it may be contributing to my general unhappiness (well- in addition to a life totally in the toilet - tra la)
anyway- YAY AND DO IT- AND DO IT MORE. i just found a wonderful ancient dressing table in someone's garbage other week- brought it home to decopage fabric allover- but ended up sponging on a paisly "print" on top - & repetitive flower edge along top & side of top - leaves & stems on legs- it's charming. my married & first child neice loves it & wants it(she's in navy & just moved to VA - nearer here nj) so yay.
each time i manage to break out of my dismal little (self-involved) universe and just DO IT- it helps me remember how good it feels to let it out (creativity) and share the happiness it can bring (to someone else - then bit splashes on me and i remember WHY i do it) an so on.
so yay and yay. I, like you, wonder about "my new life" when and if i end up initiating one - and i can't even really conceptualize the "all about me" thing- i'm sooooo "all about everyone else all the time" - BUT HEY-
maybe we will love it- be good at it - and come to embrace it. (mind you- i still theorize that being all about one's self is a mighty lonely place to be) but we should be able (hopefully) to temper self caring with other-orientation - shouldn't we???? after ALL - WE'RE VERY CREATIVE - TA DA - APPLY THE thinking out of the box when it comes to ART and apply to day to day life???
hope springs eternal - good luck i'm going to be watching & sharing your little step by step victories too and being inspired. i'm thinking we all can do this- it's scary & lonely tho sometimes (well, all the time) but hopefully this too shall pass?????? i'm hopin & hopeful
Just FYI - when I bought my house, they wanted to see a YEAR's worth of copies of the alimony checks in order to qualify me. Make sure he pays on time and that you keep copies of every check.
Snodderly: He is lost and spinning. I am trying to find myself, so he must be trying to find himself, too. He has always been such a loner this has to be hard on him. The only person he talks to is OW.
Kaffe: I realized I needed to just break off a big hunk of detachment and chew on it. I was still a little grumpy when I got home last night. The kids were all over to watch the True Blood season finale. By the time they left I was ready for bed and we were civil to each other.
What you said made me realize I am not doing a very good job of noticing the positive things he does. Even though the D is going through I do need to keep complimenting the positive. He was telling me how much work it was to have cleaned the grout. And all I could think was how much like a child he is, needing so much positive feedback. And then like a child myself I think about how nice it would be if anyone ever noticed all the work I do. And I think the lack of feedback from my whole family is why I get grumpy, and I don't do as much as I used to.
I think that is why I love my quilt guild ladies. Every single thing I do for them gets me nice compliments. They are sweet and love my energy and ideas. It is nice to be appreciated.
Nero: I love finding furniture to fix up and make beautiful again. When I lived in Virginia Beach I used to find amazing things. I have found a few here. I love when I find old sewing machine cabinets. I pull out the rusted hunk of a machine and have a cute little table I can paint or stain.
Every day is better than the previous one, so yes, this too shall pass!
KML: He was going to set up the alimony as an allotment. I am worried about the whole thing. That is why I called the bank again. Because 3 months of being paid alimony seems like a short time to base an approval on. Maybe because I am getting half of his military retirement, and have the survivor benefit plan, and the life insurance in an amount greater than the mortgage I'm seeking. I am going thru USAA, who knows more about my finances than they probably ought to!
These things will all work out!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
This morning STBXH tells me he is going out of town tomorrow, Short notice, he says. And once again it is a long weekend and he is headed out of town. Big suprise, he has managed to take trips for every long weekend since OW got shipped back to Arkansas by the military.
And for those of you who haven't read my whole story, OW is not and never has been a member of our military. She is truely a camp-follower. Her husband was on active duty here in Hawaii and when he filed for divorce his unit shipped her back to her home of record. As Hawaii is considered an overseas assignment.
Leaving me to do the open house all by myself. And he couldn't be bothered to tell me when he is coming back. I guess if he shows up when I am having a kick-ass party he will just have to go sulk in his room.
Why is this annoying me so much? Why do I expect different actions from a guy who has made it plain he doesn't give a crap about me? Why does it still hurt? He says we will be friends. Not bloody likely. I don't need friends who can't tell me the truth. When I asked him a couple weeks ago was he going out of town he told me maybe, then no. I guess I just need to pretend like it is business as usual. I spent my whole married life never knowing when he would be gone and for how long.
But he isn't flying special ops helicopters anymore.
Oh well, I'm off to pick up birthday cake for my granddaughter. The party starts in a few hours. The worlds biggest Disney Princess Bounce Castle is set up in my front yard. I'd better get in a better mood. I just think if STBXH had an oz of brains he wouldn't have dropped such a bomb on the morning of a big birthday party.
He only told me he was going out of town when I told him this morning I needed to have the truck tomorrow because some parts came in for a repair it needed.
I am so looking forward to living alone and not having other people having so much influence on my life.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I agree with the flowers. I wish I had the "b*lls" to do that. My H probably wouldn't even read the card, and wouldn't care anyway.
Enjoy the party ... try not to let him cause negative feelings. I know how difficult that is.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
