I'm new to this forum but have read DR and quite a few posts and decided I'd tell my story and hopefully get some insight on how well I'm DBing. In short, I found out my H has been in a PA&EA w/OW for a year. Of course I was devastated as I thought my marriage was solid. Sure we've had some challenges but we always seemed to support each other through the rough times. When I confronted H with the A evidence, we both cried. He said he was confused and not sure whether or not he loved me anymore. He said he was in love w/OW and she wanted more from him but he didn't want to hurt me. I experienced many emotions during this time and still find it difficult to cope with at times. He flip flopped back and forth regarding how he felt about me and our marriage.He once talked about separating to give him an opportunity to find out what he really wants. I heard all the things that were wrong and how I was not the same woman anymore. In his mind, the reason for the A was all my fault. Because I resumed my education, he felt lonely at times. I started a weekend business to help with the finances and he felt like I was not paying him attention. I have now ceased both but realize that the A was the distraction and cause of our finanical issues. He's self-employed so instead of working, he was spending quite a bit of time w/OW, spending money he did not have, extending our credit and created more debt for us which put more financial burden on me to help support, thus the weekend job. Fast forward>>he has ended the PA but continues the EA via texts & FB. After reviewing MWD video regarding a spouse who refuses to give up his EA, I decided to back off, stop the snooping and GAL. When I made the decision to do that, I begin to feel better about myself. I could finally look in the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful and that there is a life beyond the dark hole I was living in. H began to treat me better. Says he is sorry for hurting me, that he loves me and doesn't know why he did what he did but wants to work it out. He is now focused with his work and bringing money back into our home. We go to lunch during the week, for drives, dinner, movies, walks and remain intimate. All of this and yet he still continues to text and communicate w/OW via FB. I don't understand this behavior and when I try to back off, he questions me, wants to know what I'm thinking, does not want me to go out w/o him. I feel like he wants us both. What am I missing in the DBing process. Should I continue to refrain from snooping and continue to practice backing off? I actually feel good when I back off because when I'm so into him and realize he is still engaged in the EA, I'm hurt and devastated all over again.
Me:42 H:38 M:15yrs DD:4/2012 H in PA&EA Current Status:H continues EA via texts & FB
