Sorry this is a bit winded. It’s an important topic and I want to handle things in an appropriate fashion. Some of you might know that our financial difficulties has been a MAJOR reasons for our separation. I’ve always been consistently employed on a full time basis however it’s never been enough and both W and I haven’t budgeted well.
I get paid a base income plus additional bonuses. My bonuses can’t be counted on when calculating our budget because there not guaranteed. When W and I separated we agreed that she would get 1,000 a month plus 25% of any bonuses I receive. Just to let everyone know, when we separated W asked me to email her a copy of each pay stub because she wants to feel comfortable that I am hiding any bonuses that I receive. This must come from a lack of trust which I don’t understand because I haven’t hidden anything from her. I feel it’s somewhat degrading that I feel obligated to email her a copy of my paystub every two weeks.
I give her the 1,000 a month on time as promised and I email her a copy of every pay stub. I plan on giving her 25% of any bonuses that I receive. Since we’ve separated I haven’t received any bonuses which isn’t too surprising because there’s no certainty on when I will receive them. Here’s my dilemma, my W just sent me this email.
“Are you any closer to getting any bonus money? I have waited a long time for this and I could use some extra money for some things for the apartment, the kids and I?”
I can’t express how many times my W has asked me this question! When we initially separated I told her MULTIPLE TIMES that I would make sure to give her the heads up prior to me receiving any bonus money. I told her that I want her to get some of it and I have every intention of giving her the 25% we’ve agreed upon however that doesn’t matter because I feel there’s tension rising on both sides. I’ve stopped replying to the above question because she asks me about bonus money on a weekly basis and I don’t know how more clear I can be. WHEN I AM GETTING CLOSE TO REICEVING A BONUS, I WILL LET YOU KNOW!!!! No, I don’t yell but it’s getting really annoying.
Here’s my question, I feel I should respond to her email because I haven’t addressed her question in a while. I feel there’s a high probability I will receive a bonus in October but once again there’s no guarantee, I probably won’t know if I receive that bonus for about another month. I don’t want W to have additional unrealistic expectations so I am hesitant to give her these details. I feel if I continue to give her updates she will continue to hound me at the same pace, if not more. What to do? How to respond? Thanks for any input. This is a touchy subject for W so I want to make sure I respond appropriately.
