Tomorrow is a New Day

[timbits]

hey hopeful. i'd back off a little with the affection. it is obviously pushing your h away at the moment. good for you on being pleasant when he called about work. i know that must have been difficult, but it probably threw him for a loop. when i was actively trying to db with h, i would think about how he was expecting me to react, and do the opposite. i know h said i nagged a lot (which was garbage, he was projecting his mother's cr@p). he almost would egg me on and try to goad me into that response, so i wouldn't give him any ammunition whatsoever. if he was being a jerk, i was sweet as pie. if i absolutely couldn't say anything pleasant, i didn't say anything at all. honestly, i would think, "i'm not giving you anything that you can use to justify your behaviour, buddy." that's not 100% why i did it, but it certainly was a part of it.

i don't know. we're currently separated, so you may want to take that advice with a grain of salt. but a lot of it is self-preservation, as well. if you have the expectation that your h will become the man you married (or wished you had), he will only hurt you when he shows you again he isn't that man. i always hate the expression "hope for the best, expect the worst" as h used it a lot as an excuse to be a pessimist, but in this situation, it's all you can do. pull back a little, be pleasant, but allow him to surprise you when he gives you glimpses of the loving h you want. you'll also know that he is doing it because HE wants to, not because it's a response to your affection or his own guilt. pull back and be patient.

i know how hard this can be. take care of yourself.