If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[25yearsmlc]

WS

Don't fight a losing battle b/c it weakens you. So, unless he has a record AND OR presents a danger to the kids, Gabby is right

you cannot stop the w from introducing OM to your kids. You MAY be able to delay it, for awhile but that would be at great expense to you.

Right or wrong, Adultery in and of itself is not relevant to custody issues, and it's only grounds for divorce in a few states these days. Ask your L, b/c maybe you live in one of the few remaining states where it might matter,

Otherwise, the courts won't even go there.

If she wants OM in her life now, there are 2 options for you.

1) Focus your time/energy/resources on HIM, to try & stop something you cannot control...knowing that at most, you'll only delay him meeting your kids

OR

2) you can GAL and be the better choice.

While I can see the value of having c's and mc's and therapists saying "it's confusing to meet OM" that still may not make any "LEGAL" difference to a judge, (plus SHE can find one or two who'll say "it'll help them adjust"...)
and suddenly you both spent $$ on that issue and

even if it "works", it will only delay things.

The kids will meet OM if she is determined for that to happen.


Frankly, the more I reflect on it, the more I don't think he's worth your energy or time. State your piece to her, calmly and then let the cards fall where they fall. And prepare yourself for the conversations you may have with the kids about OM.

(In your case I think you've been clear about her not having the kids meet OM. If it's not something you can enforce and she's ignoring your wishes anyhow, I would not highlight the powerless aspects of this). Move on.

Plus, sometimes I think it's beneath you to spend this time and energy on HIM,

and not on making your own life better.

Why not plan fun things with your kids instead of wondering what SHE and OM are doing?

If I were your child, my guess is I'd want that parental energy spent on ME, not on OM...

OR I'd prefer

seeing my father GAL, overcome adversity, act with strength and honor, recovering,

to SHOW ME, the child, how to do that so I'll know when I grow up b/c surely someday I'll be betrayed or face a setback. Model for your kids how not to fall apart.

Show your kids what forward movement looks like.

Surely If your L says there is nothing you can legally do about your kids meeting OM, then drop it. Pick your battles wisely and don't beat a dead horse.

As I said,

It weakens you to fight a losing battle.

You'll get the kids half the time. That counts, and Lord knows it's more than a lot of men end up getting OR using even when they have intact m's.

You will have less tension in your life soon. And by GAL you'll create a better happier life for you and the kids.

But That's up to you.