thank you for your lovely post to me this morning - I did read it early - and carried your words all day.
It is not everyday that someone tells me that I am blessed and am a blessing - you made me feel so good about myself - thank you
While anyone is capable of doing what you are doing, not everyone is able to. And that's OK. That's one thing I've had to learn and I hope you understand that, yourself. That too will help you become an even greater leader and encourage that in others.
I am always in awe of what you manage to slip in to your posts to me - always encouraging, but always mindful of what I need to temper my enthusiasm with - and always in the nicest way.
so that was very good for me to read - and a lot of food for thought over the next few days...
What I want to point out is that your H is like a toddler in this. Because these people, our WAS... or MLCers... would we be behaving the way we are if they were our children? Would we give up on them? Blame them? Chastise them? Daemonize them?
yes - oddly enough i am feeling him being a child more and more these last 3 weeks. he almost looks child like to me- a little bit lost, very uncomfortable - as if all of it is right in front of him and he has no idea what to do with all this info that he is becoming suddenly very aware of .
he's not closed off any longer, i would say. in fact i think he's looking around as if in amazement at where he landed. he's still holding on to everything - but the grip - one could say it may have loosened very slightly - as if he's not quite sure what he is holding on to, but he's not letting it go yet.
When we have our expectations... as in how you originally thought it would look for your H to step up to his role as a father... as your mother expected your dad to step up in his role... it doesn't look like we expected... so we internally see it as wrong and jump in to fix... and rationalize it as them being unable or unwilling to step into their greatness... for them to grow... to do things in a way that is different than how we'd do it... because our belief systems own us and suggest that if it's not our way... it won't work... it isn't good enough...
yes - you have put it beautifully. and i still struggle with that. i am going to write more about it in my next post - in terms of double bind.
thanks again KD - nice to know that every one feels i'm an easy one to help - there were too many years where zig was known to be ... difficult, one might say.. ( i think they were being nice - i think i was quite painful to be around...)
how are you doing? are you managing to get all your stuff that you planned to do? like getting ready for winter and work? I hope so. I miss reading you all over the board - but am also pleased that you are "living your life". now your visits to us are extra special
{{{{{KD}}}}}}
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
