M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Thanks Arsene- So I have some of the decision making done. I will be getting off work early and I will buy my own gift for daughter. I have another decision to make and I am not sure that best way to confront W on the subject.
I have always instilled good eating habits in our kids. My kids love asparagus, cauliflower, broccoli, artichokes, salmon, etc……Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go over the top. I take the kids out for jumbo burgers every now and then. On the other hand W is more of junk food junkie and our daughter is starting to get a bit overweight. I feel confident this would not be the case if we were a family again but that’s just not the case right now.
I don’t have any control on how our kids eat when I am not with them however it would be nice if W could feed our daughter healthy foods and keep it in moderation. I don’t want my beautiful daughter getting chunky. If possible, I would like to find a constructive way to bring the subject up with W and not sound like an a-hole.
Our kids health is important to me and hopefully it’s also important to my W. I feel my W would view it as criticism if it’s not brought up in an eloquent way. Any ideas on how to tackle the subject?
I am glad I just read your thread Arsene. I will read more when I get a chance. The comments that MrsD made about “not fixing things” makes sense. I guess I just do it sometimes without thinking about it. Like I would like a way to “fix” the way my W feeds our kids. I also always remind the kids to brush their teeth and sometimes I will remind them in front of W. That might piss W off in a way. I don’t know, I just want our kids healthy so I don’t think it’s too much to ask that they eat well and brush their teeth. Does this mean I am being too much of a fixer?
This is just my opinion & anyone else can chime in, but no matter how constructive you think a conversation with wife about your D's food/meals may be; it could be construed as controlling. Or maybe like you are telling her how to parent.
I think that if you get her into great habits on a consistent basis when she is with you, then your D would most likely continue those things while she is with your W! Am I way off base here?? If so, I apologize. But it does kind-of seem like "Fixing" or controlling.
Just my 2 cents, since you, me, Alk, & Arsene all seem to be the Freshman class of 2012 here and share a lot of similar timelines etc. But then again after reading many posts on this forum, I think most situations have similarities, with maybe a few idiosyncrasies mixed in here and there.
Thanks Suppo. I am guessing others will probably agree with your sentiments. I forgot to mention that I like your Isaiah proverb, I had to look it up after I noticed it.
BTW, since we are freshmen, I wonder what it means if we graduate?
I had written an answer to your last question Re: eating habits and for some reasons, it's not posted so here is what I remember of the incredible wisdom I imparted on you.
In my opinion, if it's to do with the kids' well-being you should mention it somehow but It's not going to be an easy one and it might very well get you in hot water.
When I spoke to my W about picking up D8 from school with OM and meeting OM when she is with D8 and how I didn't think it was a good idea for the time being, she went straight on the defensive and fought hard to justify it. In the end, though, I can't make her and she might still do it but I don't think she has since I mentioned it and we have moved one since then to have some good moments again.
My point is, it's probably not going to be a good time but you might get her thinking and she might make more of an effort, and in the end, you'll both move on and forget the argument (if any).
As you said though, it's about the delivery. I would try to use "I" statement instead of "you" statements i.e.: "I'm worried about D's health. I noticed she's gained a few pounds lately. I think we should try to pay closer attention to what she eats." instead of:"You feed her too much junk food" or "Can you try to make sure she eats better?"
It's not quite as good as my first reply but it kind of covers the gist of it.
Hope it helps.
Re: Freshmen 2012 graduation? If we're only freshmen, that leaves us a few years to think about it (Aaaarg!! I sure hope not)and I guess we'll be getting a better life, no matter what happens (although I'm still not crazy about one of the options).
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Sorry this is a bit winded. It’s an important topic and I want to handle things in an appropriate fashion. Some of you might know that our financial difficulties has been a MAJOR reasons for our separation. I’ve always been consistently employed on a full time basis however it’s never been enough and both W and I haven’t budgeted well.
I get paid a base income plus additional bonuses. My bonuses can’t be counted on when calculating our budget because there not guaranteed. When W and I separated we agreed that she would get 1,000 a month plus 25% of any bonuses I receive. Just to let everyone know, when we separated W asked me to email her a copy of each pay stub because she wants to feel comfortable that I am hiding any bonuses that I receive. This must come from a lack of trust which I don’t understand because I haven’t hidden anything from her. I feel it’s somewhat degrading that I feel obligated to email her a copy of my paystub every two weeks.
I give her the 1,000 a month on time as promised and I email her a copy of every pay stub. I plan on giving her 25% of any bonuses that I receive. Since we’ve separated I haven’t received any bonuses which isn’t too surprising because there’s no certainty on when I will receive them. Here’s my dilemma, my W just sent me this email.
“Are you any closer to getting any bonus money? I have waited a long time for this and I could use some extra money for some things for the apartment, the kids and I?”
I can’t express how many times my W has asked me this question! When we initially separated I told her MULTIPLE TIMES that I would make sure to give her the heads up prior to me receiving any bonus money. I told her that I want her to get some of it and I have every intention of giving her the 25% we’ve agreed upon however that doesn’t matter because I feel there’s tension rising on both sides. I’ve stopped replying to the above question because she asks me about bonus money on a weekly basis and I don’t know how more clear I can be. WHEN I AM GETTING CLOSE TO REICEVING A BONUS, I WILL LET YOU KNOW!!!! No, I don’t yell but it’s getting really annoying.
Here’s my question, I feel I should respond to her email because I haven’t addressed her question in a while. I feel there’s a high probability I will receive a bonus in October but once again there’s no guarantee, I probably won’t know if I receive that bonus for about another month. I don’t want W to have additional unrealistic expectations so I am hesitant to give her these details. I feel if I continue to give her updates she will continue to hound me at the same pace, if not more. What to do? How to respond? Thanks for any input. This is a touchy subject for W so I want to make sure I respond appropriately.
