Grace, Love, Compassion, & Faith - Looks Like What

[~ kd ~]

yes

[labug]

Really! LOL!

[Valeska19]

I've hit 100+ posts. My thread was locked up until today. (Moderators - thank you so much for opening it back up).

I asked for it to be re-opened because I feel like this is my closure post.

At this time, I don't think I will be starting a new thread. I wouldn't even know what to call it.

But I feel I need to step away for awhile. I have no intention for this to be a permanent thing.. but I have been on this board daily since I signed up. It will be weird not checking in on everyone but in my heart I feel it is what is needed in my life right now to heal.

So once again... prepare for a long post.

First off - Thank you! For every one and anyone who ever posted on my thread. I could write an entire post (and it would probably be the longest I have written) on just thanking individuals.

Some only posted once, other's took precious time from their lives to help mine.

From the moments of deep sadness, to my moments of anger... from my moments of not being able to show tough love.. to the moments of when I didn't think I could love anymore... you were there.

Showing me characteristics and traits that I wanted for myself. To be patient.. to be kind and compassionate.. to be held accountable.. to show grace.

.. and most importantly.. to show love.

Although very difficult and sometimes painful, the lessons I learned on this journey are not lost on me.. They are now a part of my soul.

You all have deeply impacted my life.

I am a better Val.. in huge part.. because of you.

2nd - How am I doing post D?

Pretty damn good.

I did experience some sadness the first day or two. I think there was a part of me that believed XW had actually thought about what was said and would make a move towards me.

But I remember.. God's time now. I've done everything I can and I've truly handed it over to him (although I did try to hold on for as long as possible).

There is a peace that has come with not worrying about dealing with the D. No more wondering if she is being nice to get something... or being mean to get a reaction.

The pressure is off my shoulders.

And I know that I will still have sadness and I know that I will still grieve..

.. but I also know that the grass is greener where it's watered.. and I plan on working damn hard on my own grass for awhile.

Sometimes when I think about how well I am doing - I am shocked.. by my positivity. This is NOT the Val from 2 yrs ago...

....but then again I guess that's what happens when you truly make DB a way of life.

So I guess my last part is for those of you still in the thick of it.

For me, DBing wasn't about saving my marriage. It was about me.

Because there will come a day when all your positive changes, all the hard work, will be tested...

.. and you have to truly decide.

To decide if everything was just a facade to get your spouse back, or if you are truly becoming the person God had intended for you all along.

And know that is not one test.. but one of many. And know that it won't be just with your spouse, or you in laws, or your children..

but with the dude that cuts you off in the highway, or the co-worker who is just an enormous pain in your a$$.

Or the people... that no matter how many times you show love or grace.. will NOT show you the same in return.

DB taught me that love is always the answer. ALWAYS. There is never a time NOT to love someone..

.. and although ones can argue that our spouses Don't deserve it, or maybe we ARE being a doormat.. or maybe they need to know what it's like to NOT have us in their lives..

.. I look back to this board.. I look back on the last 21 months and I am overwhelmed by the amount of love shown to me.

So my .02 with everything you do now and moving forward is..

"Is what I am doing/acting/saying/ loving?"

And if the answer is NO.. it doesn't matter the reason.. it is the wrong thing to do.

I wish you all the very best in your lives. Reach me on the alt. Once KD approves me.. I'm the girl that recently got into Hello Kitty.

xoxo
Val

[labug]

Aww Val, I hate to see you move away but I understand, truly, I do.

I hope you will come back often and give us all some love.

All the best.

[Rick1963]

My old friend Val. You sound great so happy for you. My D will be final tomorrow and I'm ok. Thanks for the many 2x4s over the past year.

[JustStunned]

I also know that the grass is greener where it's watered..

Stealing this.

Peace and hugs ((((Val))))

Stop back in, you are a class act, and your comments, wisdom and advice are appreciated.

[needgrace]

Thanks for everything, Val.. you have been such an inspiration to me and have helped me through some really rough days. i wish you much love and happiness. (((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))

[25yearsmlc]

hope to see you in the alt soon,

and someday when you are ready, back here.

You'll be a big help.

FWIW, I dropped off this site for months at a time. Same reasons, sort of.

((( )))

[keep_going]

(((((Val))))),

THANK YOU for everything. You have given here at least just as much as you have received.

I was away for months and just recently came back. I understand your need and I look forward to the happy surprise if and when you decide to come back.



PS -
In the meantime, I'd love to reach you in the ALT, but I must have missed something - don't really know how to find you...
Can someone give me a hint?

thanks!

[jbnati]

Val,

Hugs to you (((()))).

You will be missed, but I definitely understand taking some time away. I have been pretty sparse myself lately. I have always appreciated your insight.

You have come some far and you're an inspiration to all of us!

Take care,
JB