Anyway, she was clearly not comfortable when she arrived, but by the time it was over she stood around forever talking to people and was having a great time. So I was incredibly happy to see that.
This might just be the reason why she stopped going to church. My W says that everyone in her circle of friends thinks of her as the "baddy" in this situation. She says she doesn't know what to say when people ask about us. The result is that she doesn't see many of them anymore and that the ones she still sees, she doesn't talk to about her R.
You W might not be so proud to have given up on the R. She doesn't know what to say to people if they ask about your R.
I wouldn't think too much of her not going to Church. Another thing is, she knows you'll be there and she might not be ready to meet you yet.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Your right Arsene, Im sure she's uncomfortable there for all of those reasons. The funny thing was by the end she wasn't uncomfortable at all and was happily chatting away with lots of friends, but when she walked in it was obvious that she was nervous and uncomfortable. Im smiling this morning simply b/c she was there and also b/c she let me fix her car over the weekend. I know some would say that I shouldnt have helped her out with the car, but the fact is that having gone back through our relationship in my head I really think acts of service are huge with her so it was an opportunity to do something for her and expect/get nothing from her in return.
She did ask when I returned her car yesterday if she owed me any money for the parts or anything and I told her not to worry about it and she left it at that. Im glad she did, but was a bit surprised by that b/c I assumed she would probably insist on paying for the parts, I didnt think there was any way she would let me do it and pay for it so im taking that as a small step for her.
All in all it was a good weekend which im sure I will now somehow screw around in my head until im worked into a frenzy and im sure she'll never speak to me again. LOL. I actually wrote that b/c its truly how I have dealt with things at times and even now have to be very conscious of not doing exactly that so maybe writing it out and seeing how absurd it truly is will help me not obsess over every detail of our every interaction this weekend.
On a good note, S11 has stayed with me 3 out of the last 4 nights and is planning to stay more, I think he likes that we hang out and do things together while she either buries her head in text or pinterest according to him.
Your right Arsene, Im sure she's uncomfortable there for all of those reasons. The funny thing was by the end she wasn't uncomfortable at all and was happily chatting away with lots of friends, but when she walked in it was obvious that she was nervous and uncomfortable.
All in all it was a good weekend which im sure I will now somehow screw around in my head until im worked into a frenzy and im sure she'll never speak to me again. LOL. I actually wrote that b/c its truly how I have dealt with things at times and even now have to be very conscious of not doing exactly that so maybe writing it out and seeing how absurd it truly is will help me not obsess over every detail of our every interaction this weekend.
On a good note, S11 has stayed with me 3 out of the last 4 nights and is planning to stay more, I think he likes that we hang out and do things together while she either buries her head in text or pinterest according to him.
I often wonder if that is why my Ex doesnt come around our mutual friends any longer. I wonder if its because they all know that Im working on being a better person. And he doesnt want to hear that right now, so he stays away. I think its another baby step to add to your many, but I think it was a giant step for her! Hopefully she will continue.
Isnt it funny when you have a good weekend, that your mind over works its self. Ugh!! Happy Monday Carnac!
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Its funny you mention the mind over working things....I was just sitting here thinking about having a more positive outlook b/c I take even the good times and pick at them until I've convinced myself they weren't that good. I have to believe that some of it is protecting myself so that I dont get too high...mostly so my lows aren't so low, but some of it is just not allowing things to 'be'.
Im glad you think it was a giant step for her, I hope she'll continue in that direction however slowly she goes.
As far as being around mutual friends, I think most of the time they are scared it will be awkward or uncomfortable if they hang out there and honestly I think its because even mutual friends who are truly mutual are certainly hoping you two can work things out. They may not have bias one way or the other necessarily, but if they've been friends with the two of you as a couple then thats how they want to see it continue. They may never say anything to him about it but he probably feels that, and certainly doesn't feel like he could take anyone else around them.
Its funny you mention the mind over working things....I was just sitting here thinking about having a more positive outlook b/c I take even the good times and pick at them until I've convinced myself they weren't that good. I have to believe that some of it is protecting myself so that I dont get too high...mostly so my lows aren't so low, but some of it is just not allowing things to 'be'.
Im glad you think it was a giant step for her, I hope she'll continue in that direction however slowly she goes.
As far as being around mutual friends, I think most of the time they are scared it will be awkward or uncomfortable if they hang out there and honestly I think its because even mutual friends who are truly mutual are certainly hoping you two can work things out. They may not have bias one way or the other necessarily, but if they've been friends with the two of you as a couple then thats how they want to see it continue. They may never say anything to him about it but he probably feels that, and certainly doesn't feel like he could take anyone else around them.
Stay positive my friend.
I agree on the mutual friend thing cause they all would love to see ue back together.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Well im smiling this afternoon mainly b/c I've been more productive today than I have been in quite a while at work. I still read too much on here, and spent too much time worrying about/thinking about her and our situation, but im happy because its less. I know its a long way from a good thing and I still need to be LOTS more productive at work, but I realized last week that I was falling into a bit of depression and actually recognized it by thinking that everything that needed to be done at my office seemed overwhelming and I didnt know how i would ever finish any of it.
The truth is i've been doing this for year and its no worse now than at any other time so I finally made myself start and once I got going I was able to check quite a few things off of my list as well as to get the ball rolling on some other things which in the long run will force me to deal with them again very soon so I can't stall on them. All in all Im glad to have moved a little more forward today, I wish I knew what the future held.....heck maybe I don't cause it might be a lot less interesting if we knew the ending. If your reading this try and smile with me.
dang I hate that you can't edit...should have been years...and not the DB part but my current job.
Lol I wanted to edit the other night as well. Lol I am smiling for you. I am smiling because today you seem so confident, so positive. I dont know how most people do it on here somedays, where they dont seem fruatrated with the whole sitch. I get frustrated and Im NOT a year in.... So. With that thought I look to you and everyone on DB that continue down their road looking for some light of hope. Thank you.
M:43/ H:39 T:12/ M:9 S8, D15 M affair(one night): 2/09 M EA: 2/12-7/12 D:6/7/12 H: GF since 7/24/12
God,Family, and the Green Bay Packers. - Vince Lombardi
Same here with the mutual friends and even mere acquaintances. Last night W told me she had to go to an event because she had to protect her good name. Apparently she's been getting a bad reputation with people, from her circle, bad-mouthing her. This is so out of the ordinary. My W was always the sweetest thing. Everybody used to love and respect her and now, she has to defend her good name. My heart goes out to her. Hopefully this would make her think about what's going on, but right now, its just making her angry and determined to get her way.
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Well im one of the rookies as well but its just seemed like a good day to be positive today. Its so very interesting how confidence works for you. We had a scrimmage for my sons football team tonight in another town, my W wasn't there when it started but did show up later and was stayed until we finished. My son told her he was going with me again tonight and she was smiling and in a great mood, I was a little taken aback b/c she made some small talk w/ me and there was really no need to.
Again its certainly a little itty bitty baby step but im taking it and am going to be happy with it, she just seemed more at east tonight......LOL (my thought was just that she probably freakin filed today and thats whats got her in such a good mood...im only kidding about that and thats why i laughed b/c i can actually tell you that the old me would probably really believe thoughts like that.) Man thats some real stream of consciousness writing right there. It was a good night...thats the gist of it, she was happier, more chatty and alot more at ease, I was having a good day anyway but seeing her smile really made it better.
Happy Monday Carnac!