More patience??? Really???

[ces67]

Thanks all. The "office conversion" made great progress over the weekend. W and I spent a good bit of Saturday working together taping and painting. Final coat put on yesterday and it looks good. Now to sell the dining room table to pay for some office furniture!

Journal stuff:
Although the weekend went well, it ended on a rough note. Some stress of money and kids who were not in the best of moods sent my W into a rare and unpleasant pattern. Went to the store last night to get a few things and when I came back, there was tension in the air. It seems W had been trying to get the kids to do some things and they were not listening very well. When I asked what happened, W said she was tired of having to get upset just to get the kids to do anything.

A few minutes later, our D10 came over with a bit of attitude and handed W some homework and W just lost it. She threw her yogurt and spoon she had into the sink, splattering it everywhere and stormed off to the bedroom.

This then upset the kids and our D was in tears because she’d upset her mom. I suggested that D go apologize for her attitude. W wouldn’t talk to her. So I tried to calm down our D and then went to talk to W who was sitting in our closet crying. She told me she couldn’t do it anymore, that she couldn’t be my wife and couldn’t be the kid’s mom. Then she said she had to get out of here and went to the car. I followed her and asked if she planned on coming back. She grunted yes and drove away.

So the kids are in the house crying because they're upset and confused about what is happeing. My son is holding his sister in his arms and they’re both crying. I assured them this was not about them and it would be OK. We stood in the kitchen with our arms around each other for a while. Then my S turns to me and says “dad, you know this isn’t your fault either, right?” I love that boy.

After a while I got D into the shower and ready for bed and S went on to bed as well. Both were emotionally exhausted. W came home less than an hour after she left. I was upstairs with the kids. When I came back down, she was standing in the dining room/office looking at the paint. She said that she liked the color and that it looked good in a soft and exhausted voice. I just stared at her and after a brief moment she just looked at me and said, “That was awful of me to do.” She was much calmer and said the following.

“After a while I realized this (home) is where I’m suppose to be”
“It was awful of me to leave like that and to put the kids through that”
“It was awful of me to make the kids wonder if their mom was coming back or not”

I listened and then just held her for a bit and she let me. She repeated some of the things and I simply told her that we all loved her and were glad she was home. At one point I did respond by saying it was a hard thing for the kids but that they would be glad she was home. I said both the kids wanted her to come talk to them when she got back. I offered to listen if she wanted to talk. Then she went to watch TV to unwind and later came to bed and was still next to me when I woke up this morning.

The odd thing is, I think this may actually help her to see there’s a better way than what she’s been doing. And I feel good about how I handled the situation and was there for the kids. I offered to stay home today so W wouldn’t be alone but she declined and said she’d be ok. I think it will be good for her to run through a normal routine with the kids this morning as well.

Again, this is not a normal thing for W. Something is building up in her and she's not handling it well. But last night seemed to wake something in her. Her statement of "this is where I'm suppose to be" was significant for me. Sometimes it takes hard things to propel us into better directions. Maybe this was one of those things. No expectations. Just hope.