Tomorrow is a New Day

[hopefulinga]

I feel a little emotional today. Today is 4 weeks from the last D conversation, which was 4 weeks from the 1st one. I am crossing my fingers it doesn't occur when I get home later tonight. I will do my best to not engage H at all when I get home, which will be late.

H went to bed early last night. He did let me cuddle up next to him. Either that or he was too asleep to push me away. Usually he will say let me go to sleep and pull away.

He had his crappy tone this am when I asked him if he know if he was going to be out of town today. I tried to rub his shoulder as I was saying goodbye and he pulled away. I didn't say anything and walked away. I am trying to show a genuine interest in him and what he is doing, which doesn't seem to be working. So, I will back off of that for now.

The mixed messages are the hardest for me to deal with. Within a 12 hour period, the reaction to a neck/arm rub changes. These are the times that I feel like he is purposely trying to make me mad. I know that he wouldn't like it if I pulled away from him in that manner.

The mixed messages are making it harder for me to detach.