I grew up in a household that was very passive aggressive at times. I learned from some of the best so to speak. When I had kids I promised myself I would not raise them the way I was raised and in that I have succeeded. I failed to realize that I needed to also be a good husband. I fell back on what I knew. When my wife told me she wanted to separate it was the why that killed me. In my head it sounded like it was me talking to my parents about how I was upset with them. It was quite an awakening. Upon hearing that it was easy to change. I do not want to be something that I despise. And the 20 changes are fine as it provides me with comfort and focus to read them. I need all of them. The main thing is that I change my attitude towards my wife and that has been done. Go from negative to positive, from no to yes. Now she just has to see that it is permanent. And it is. As far as the business goes we constantly analyze what we do. What works we keep doing. What does not make money we stop doing. I am in retail by the way. DB and my phone counseling have helped to bring that same focus to my marriage. Besides the fact that I am still fearing a separation this is the happiest I have been in a long time with myself. These changed have been great for me. I decided to do the dancing because I am introverted and I need to get out of my comfort zone and it is something I know my wife, when she is ready, will enjoy doing with me. I had a lot of fun at my first lesson which was unexpected.
The main problem right now is the communication. I think deep down she is happy about the changes I have made but the feedback I am getting is still negative. I guess I just have to be patient and wait for her to leave her "script" and be willing to engage in real two way communication. Right now it is one sided and I understand that is the process.
