Well the "squirrel"(H) hasn't called today or showed up at noon like he usually does. I guess he knows I'm home today and he wants to avoid any interaction with me...???
I would like H to be home by October and work in our issues (his depression,financial and communication) and spend time together.
"Squirrel" (H) just called home, I was very calm and cool and this was our convo:
Me: HEllo? Hi! how are you?
H: Well I wanted to go see our son but I had a horrible day at work
Me: WHat happened?
H: Ten condo units flooded and while I was removing the baseboards in one of the units one of my nails split in half and it hurts like a SOB.
Me: Holy cow!.. Well everyone gets a bad day once in a while...
H: I'm too tired, I guess I'll go see the little one tomorrow.
Me: Ok, have a good night.
Ces67, you are absolutely right! I don't know why I assume too much, that's one of my biggest issues, I start to think something and all of a sudden I get these wild crazy thoughts...
I would suggest that you stop calling your H that. It diminishes him in your eyes and isn't very respectful especially since that "squirrel" is whom you want to remain married to.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Its human nature that in the absense of information, we create our own details to fill the gaps. The unfortunately part is that we often fill it with negative images and thoughts. We all do it to some degree.
That's why its important to be aware of the "mind-reading" and focus on what we know for certain and limit our assumptions. It is also helpful because it takes our focus off of trying to figure out all the actions and words of our WAS, who typically are not acting rationally anyway.
I can remember the challenge of constantly focusing on my W's actions and words and trying to figure her out or just wishing she would change, stop, etc. etc... All of this did nothing except distract me from focusing on taking care of myself.
Mr. Bond brings up a good point. While the actions of a WAS are very "squirrel-like" be aware of your own attitudes and actions towards him. For me, I have struggled greatly with internal-anger and resentment. I've held it inside but it seeps out in various ways that are unproductive. This did nothing to help me become a better person or endear me to my W.
How's the reading coming? What are you doing for you lately?
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Things surprisingly are getting better for myself, yesterday H tm early in the morning wanting me to send him a pic of our son, I did it, he send me a message telling me he was coming over in the evening to see the little one. I went to do some errands and around noon he called me, he said he went home and nobody answered the door. I said that maybe my mom went out with our son, he then asked me where I was...I told him I was shopping (lie! I was getting a manicure and a pedicure).
When I got home around 5pm, I got all "dolled" up and when he arrived he hugged our son, said hello to me and my mom. He showed us his busted nail (pretty gross)and sat down the couch, he looked tired. I stated to play with the little one, laughing and tickling our son, he just kept looking at us. He then asked me how I was, how was work and he asked me if I was exercising. I calmly answered him that I was doing well and that work was hectic and that yes, I was running 5k now! An hour later he left, because he said he was tired and wanted to sleep. He didn't mentioned D or his search for an apartment.
Today, he called early this morning he said he was coming around 10 am, again I got all dolled up and when he arrived he said "hello" to me and asked me how I was. He then started to play with the little one, he told me he hasn't slept in days ( he looked terrible!) I decided to go out to the pharmacy to buy vitamins for our son, he asked if I was going to take long, I told him just 30 minutes because I was going to walk instead of driving there. WHen I came back my mom was giggling and I asked what was funny? she said that H and the little one were passed out in the living room floor! They slept for a good 3 hours! When they woke up, H said he was leaving that he might come back later. An hour later H TM me that he was going to see a doctor because he's depressed (he admitted it!) I haven't TM back.
H: oo ok, I'm here thinking how the heck am I going to get out of my debts
Me: Don't think too much about it, think about your health now, you did a big step on admitting you have depression and that is not a sign of weakness. Your son needs you healthy and strong agan.
h: I know but it's reality
(((LONNNGGGG PAUSEEE))) H: I'm listening to RObbie Williams have you heard of him?
me: Well I don't live under a rock! I know who's that British singer lol
H: hahahahaha XD
H: I think I'm gonna download his music
Me: well have a good night gotta finish cleaning the kitchen
H: Amelie, you are a good woman, I'm so sorry. I'm a piece if sh*t and don't worry about me, my buddies are helping me and I learned from my mistakes and they are helping me find myself (OK GUYS HIS DIVORCED/ WOMANIZING "BUDDIES" are helping him?)
ME: Have a good night keep listening to Vanilla Ice (yes, I made a joke)
H: RObbie WIlliams! you are funny! I'm going to see the little one tomorrow
Yesterday was quite of an interesting day, early in the morning I received a tm from H that he was coming over, I asked him at what time he was coming over because I had plans to take my son to this ferry ride. He replied that he was coming to our home in 15 minutes. I rushed like a mad woman to get all dolled up ( Geesh, getting all dolled up is a lot of work, finding the right outfit, hair and make up..lol). He came home, said hello to me and hugged our son tight and started to play with him. I asked him if he wanted anything to drink, he wanted coffee.
He then showed me a music video of Robbie Williams, he said he liked that particular song. Anyways a few minutes later he said "let's go for a walk", we got the little one ready in his stroller and went out. I was laughing and making funny faces to my little one, H was silent but we were making small talk about work, the little one and the weather. We came back hom an hour later, we were hungry and I didn't feel like cooking so I ended up ordering a pizza, H sat on the couch and asked me if it was "ok" to watch a movie. I said "sure".
I sat on the floor with the little one and I was playing with his little feet and laughing, H was sitting there watching the movie and passing out. H passed out (he was tired). A good 2 hours later he wakes up and said "dammit! I passed out again! I better get going, thanks for everything" and as he was leaving he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I thought he was going to stay for an hour but this time he stayed longer than usual and I was veryy surprised when he hugged me and kissed my cheek.
Good signs for you Amelie, and very good that your H mentioned seeing a doctor. Here's where it can get tricky. It may take him a while to actually make the appointment and go. Let it be at his pace. Any questioning on your part can back-fire on you.
Be thankful for the positives and be aware of your own expectations. Just some advice from my own mistakes. I often saw signs of hope that turned into expectations. This was typically followed up with disappointment and resentment on my part.
I only say this to plant a seed and keep you focused on you. Absolutely enjoy these moments. Its like fuel for your journey. And this is a journey. Take care.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
H was tm me more than usual, asking me how I was and the little one but since yesterday his calls and tm stopped all of a sudden. Today he showed up at home around noon and this time I was there, I said hello to him but he looked tired/ worried, he didnt make a lot of eye contact and I felt like he didn't want to talk at all. I acted as if nothing was going on with him, I started to kiss my little one and make funny faces, then H said |well I'm going back to work now" and he said goodbye...no hug and no kiss this time.
